Coping Thoughts

When going through stressful times, we might not have someone to give us an encouraging word. In cases like these, we need to encourage ourselves and keep going.

Here are some coping thoughts that people find useful (Davis & Fanning 1997)

"This situation won't last forever."

"I've already been through many other painful experiences, and I've survived."

"This too shall pass."

"My feelings make me uncomfortable right now, but I can accept them."

"I can be anxious and still deal with the situation."

"I'm strong enough to handle what's happening right now."

"This is an opportunity for me to learn how to cope with my fears."

"I can ride this out and not let it get to me."

"I can take all the time I need right now to let go and relax."

"I've survived other situations like this before, and I'll survive this one too."

"It's okay to feel sad/anxious/afraid sometimes."

"My thoughts don't control my life. I do."

"I can think different thoughts if I want to."

"So what?"

"This situation sucks, but it is only temporary."

"I am strong and I can deal with this."

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What are some of the coping thoughts that work for you?

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Dependence, Independence and Interdependence

Dependence is the paradigm of you - you take care of me; you come through for me; you didn't come through; I blame you for the results.

Independence is the paradigm of I - I can do it; I am responsible; I am self reliant; I can choose.

Interdependence is the paradigm of we - we can do it; we can cooperate; we can combine our talents and abilities and create something greater together.

Dependent people need others to get what they want. Independent people can get what they want through their own effort. Interdependent people combine their own efforts with the efforts of others to achieve their greatest successes.

~ The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (p. 49)

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In order to move towards recovery and freedom from addiction, we have to move away from dependence towards independence and interdependence.

What are some steps in recovery that you can take for yourself but no one can take for you?

What are some steps in recovery where you need other people in order to succeed? Not to do things for you, but to contribute to your recovery with their skills, abilities and experiences?

peace, hope and love,

Lily

The Inauguration Post

Regardless of our faith, political views, race, who we voted or not voted for last November...I think we all recognize that this past Tuesday was a historic day. I watched the inauguration LIVE via CNN.com. This was my first inauguration as a US Citizen so it was extra special in many ways.

There was a part of the president's inaugural address that gave me goose bumps and made me think of my own life, of all of you that attend our support group meetings, read this blog and are struggling with eating disorders and/or any other area of your life.

Here is what he said. Think of it in terms of your own life, of your recovery. Change the word "America" and "this country" for your own name...

"Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America (...) Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions — who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage."

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May this inauguration day and the struggles that our country is currently facing be a reminder to you that...

Every time we fail, we have to "pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again". Some might question if recovery is possible. Sometimes our memories and the memories of those we do life with are short, often forgetting how far we have already come and the potential that is in each and every one of us.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Baby Jacob Kramer

Nikki Kramer LCSW , our group's professional sponsor, had her baby in December!!
As promised, here are two pictures of baby Jacob Kramer. He is sooooooo adorable!

Congratulations Nikki! We wish you and yours much health, love and happiness. We miss you at group but are sooo happy that you and baby are doing well!!!

These two pictures got me thinking.....

Have you ever had a day like this, when you all of a sudden ask yourself WHAT? WHY? HOW? WHEN? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP? We all have those days, young and old...






After "one of those days", it is ok to rest, relax, recharge and take time to recuperate. Do you give yourself that time?




For baby Jacob, mommy's arms are a safe place - not to hide from the world - but to be at peace, feel safe and secure. Do you have that place? Do you have those people in your life?

Welcome to the world baby Jacob! We can't wait to meet you!!!

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Relaxing Sunday Quote

"The time to relax is when you don't have time for it."
~Sidney J. Harris



What is one thing that relaxes you? How can you make it a part of your daily routine?

peace, hope and love,

Lily

New Year Anti-Resolutions

Have you ever heard of New Year ANTI-Resolutions? I hadn't until a couple of days ago. In a world where we are constantly being driven (by ourselves and others) to be a better version of ourselves, to improve, to change, to transform, we often forget all the positive qualities, behaviors we already posses.

What are five things (positive/healthy) about yourself that you already posses and don't want to change/give up? What are your five ANTI-Resolutions?

For me...I would not like to change/give up:
1) My love for reading and writing
2) Believing in God's promises
3) Constantly striving to live a balanced life
4) Being a good listener and friend
5) Being as assertive as I have learned to be

These are my ANTI-Resolutions. What are yours?**

peace, hope and love,

Lily

**note: if you can't think of any, ask someone you trust/love. What are 5 things they would not like you to change about you?

My Comfort Zone

Here is the poem we used to close tonight's meeting. Thanks for the great find Sarah!!!





My Comfort Zone
By Author Unknown

I used to have a comfort zone
where I knew I wouldn't fail.
The same four walls and busywork
were really more like jail.

I longed so much to do the things I'd never done before,
But stayed inside my comfort zone and paced the same old floor.

I said it didn't matter that I wasn't doing much.
I said I didn't care for things like commission checks and such.
I claimed to be so busy with the things inside the zone,
But deep inside I longed for something special of my own.

I couldn't let my life go by just watching others win.
I held my breath; I stepped outside and let the change begin.
I took a step and with new strength I'd never felt before,
I kissed my comfort zone goodbye and closed and locked the door.

If you're in a comfort zone,
afraid to venture out,
Remember that all winners were at one time filled with doubt.
A step or two and words of praise can make your dreams come true.

Reach for your future with a smile;
success is there for you!

source: http://www.wow4u.com/cz/index.html

Stress and Addiction

Here is some interesting information I found regarding the relationship between stress and addiction:

"Research and population surveys have shown that persons under stress , particularly chronic stress, tend to exhibit more unhealthy behaviors than less-stressed persons. Stressed people drink more alcohol, smoke more, and eat less nutritious foods than non-stressed individuals. Many people report drinking alcohol in response to various types of stress, and the amount of drinking in response to stress is related to the severity of the life stressors and the individuals' lack of social support networks.

While some research studies show that alcohol in low doses may lessen the body's response to stressors, paradoxically, many studies show just the opposite effect, i.e., that alcohol actually increases the stress response by stimulating production of the same hormones the body produces when under stress."

source: www.medicine.net

Stress Reduction Habits:

· Get at least 8 hours of sleep per night.

· Get regular daily exercise.

· Eat well balanced, healthy meals, in appropriate quantities, preferably eating smaller portions more frequently in the day, to help maintain even blood sugar.

· Take at least 30 minutes to yourself once a day. Relax, meditate, leave daily problems behind. Let this be a time when you can 'clear your thoughts' and allow your body to let go of unwanted stress signals (sore, tense muscles, headaches, body aches, etc.)

· Maintain a sense of humor. Make a special effort, if needed to see the funny, silly, truly amusing events that do happen around you daily.

· Prioritize your chores. Decide what is really important and what is really unnecessary.

· Allow yourself to 'simplify'. Let go of the extra work, or tasks, that stress you too much, and benefit you little.

· Find ways to give and receive care to and from others in your life. Make this a daily part of your living.

· Develop or nurture a strong, positive support group for yourself. You may want to join various support groups in your community if you do not have a support group at present.

· Recognize that even the most stressful feelings, will change, and you will feel better, given time, and healthy self care.

· When applying this to addictive problems, discover what your triggers are, in terms of stress, and then develop ways to avoid that type of stress, or problem solving strategies for issues that need immediate resolution, to reduce as much stress as possible in these situations.

· Prioritize your problems. Just take the most important one, at a time. Work through it as much as possible, then begin to approach the next issue.

source: Therapist Unlimited

On The Other Side of The Fence

I had the opportunity to spend time with my baby nephew Jonah this past Thanksgiving. As usual, I learned so much from watching him interact with the world around him. Here is one of the lessons I learned from Jonah:

Is there something in your life that is just beyond your grasp? Is there something in your life that is "on the other side of the fence" ...and no matter how you look at it, you can't reach it on your own?

Reach out and ask for help from someone you trust. Be thankful for the obstacles you face and welcome the lessons that come with them.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

On Courage

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.”

~ Mary Anne Radmacher

Thankful

"So for tonight we pray for
what we know can be,
and on this day we hope for
what we still can't see.
It's up to us, to be the change,
and even though we all can still do more
there's so much to be thankful for..."

Happy Holidays from Broward ANAD!

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Purpose for the Pain. Renee's Story.

One of my favorite non-for profits out there is To Write Love on Her Arms. I always get teary eyed when I read their VISION. It is so amazingly powerful!

TWLOHA was a movement that started in Central Florida. A group of friends got together to help a girl named Renee who could not afford treatment for addiction. Today, TWLOHA is an international movement that helps people struggling with addiction, depression, self-injury, sexual abuse, suicidal thoughts, etc.

Here is a video of Renee today, sharing her story and making a difference in the lives of others.



Renee has also published her journals in a book called Purpose for the Pain by Renee Yohe (warning: book contains mature/graphic content part of Renee's journey from "from addiction to sobriety and pain to hope.")

May Renee's story, my story and the story of others that have recovered from addiction, eating disorders, self-injury and abuse and moved "from addiction to sobriety and from pain to hope" give you peace, strength and confidence that recovery is possible for YOU!

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Tips for Dealing With The Holiday Blues

Here are some tips I found online on how to deal with the holiday blues...I posted these tips last year. I like them so much I am sharing with you all again...

source: adapted from Good Grief! I’m Having a Charlie Brown Xmas: How to Deal with the Holiday Blues by Kirsti A. Dyer, MD, MS, FAAETS and 7 Tips For Beating The Holiday Blues by Lisa Angelettie M.S.W.

* Stay Connected - The worse thing you can do for the holiday blues is to be isolated from your support system. Reach out and reconnect with old friends or make new ones; this can help deal with the loneliness experienced during this season.

* Avoid Addictive Substances / Addictive Behaviors - While you do experience a temporary numbing effect - your feelings of "the blues" will only become magnified once you come down off of your drug of choice.

* Determine priorities, establish realistic goals and expectations for the holiday season - Don't expect that everything will be perfect—food, decorations, parties, family behavior or presents. Keep expectations manageable. Decide what can be comfortably done and what cannot be done.

* Maintain a normal routine - Try and continue with normal daily activities.

* Take time for yourself—for rest and relaxation.

* Do those activities, or be with the people that comfort, sustain, nourish and recharge you.

* Minimize financial stressors by knowing your spending limit, setting a budget and sticking to it - Remember that the best gifts often come from the desire to make someone happy, not the price tag.

* Remember the true reason for the season.

* Feelings of grief, loss or sadness should be acknowledged, not ignored or repressed by those who have experienced a death, romantic break-up, tragedy or significant loss.

* Spend time with caring, supportive, nurturing people.

* Old holiday traditions may no longer be possible as families change. Find new ways to celebrate the season. Create new rituals, traditions or remembrances.

* Tell someone - Did it ever occur to you that it would be much easier to get through the holidays if someone else knows how hard it is for you? People that care about you want to help.

* Remember to take the holidays (and life), one hour at a time...one day at a time.

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Hope you have a happy, safe and healthy holiday season.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Reminder for Today

Freedom is like taking a bath - you have to keep doing it every day!
~ Flo Kennedy

In order to stay on the road to recovery, we need to make healthy choices every day. If we stumble, we just need to get back on our feet and make the next right choice to get back on track.

According to WordReference.com a Habit is "a pattern of behavior acquired through frequent repetition". So just as we have acquired unhealthy eating disordered behaviors, it is also possible to learn healthy habits that can lead us to a happy and healthy life.

Reminder for Today: "I must daily exercise my freedom to make healthy choices in order to learn & maintain healthy behaviors."

peace, hope and love,

Lily

The Balance Wheel

An important part of my recovery has been learning to live a balanced life. I have learned that balance is not something we reach, it is something we do every day. We are all different, have different energy levels, different tolerance levels for stress, different needs for rest and relaxation. It is important to become aware of what our personal needs for balance are and honor them. Also remembering to honor the differences in the needs of those around us.

Here is a balance wheel that I found online and wanted to share with you. What does your balance wheel look like?














Here are two of my favorite quotes when it comes to balanced living:

"I believe taking care of ourselves is an art, and this art involves one fundamental idea that is foreign to many: giving ourselves what we need."
~ Melody Beattie

"...One has to find a balance between what people need from you and what you need for yourself." ~ Jessye Norman

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Lesson from Baby Jonah

I had the opportunity to spend time with my baby nephew Jonah last week for Thanksgiving. As usual, I learned so much from watching him interact with the world around him. Here is one of the lessons I learned from Jonah last week:

New people, places, behaviors, opportunities & change can be scary at first....













but if you overcome your fear, step out and try something different...













you will most likely find out that it was worth it after all...!!!











peace, hope and love,

Lily

Basic Rights in Relationships

In the past, I have been "the abused" in emotionally/verbally abusive relationships. I had no idea what my rights were as a person. I also did not know what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like and used to think I deserved no better that to be treated badly.

Learning what my rights and responsibilities are as an individual and with my family, friends, and those I do life with, has been a very important part of my recovery.

The Following is a list of Basic Rights in Relationships from The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans

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Basic Rights in Relationships

• The right to good will from the other.

• The right to emotional support.

• The right to be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy.

• The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage.

• The right to have your own view, even if your partner has a different view.

• The right to have your feelings and experience acknowledged as real.

• The right to receive a sincere apology for any jokes you may find offensive.

• The right to clear and informative answers to questions that concern you

• The right to live free from accusation and blame.

• The right to live free from criticism, judgment, put-downs or ridicule.

• The right to have your work and your interests spoken of with respect.

• The right to encouragement.

• The right to live free from emotional and physical threat.

• The right to be called by no name that devalues you.

• The right to be respectfully asked rather than ordered.

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I have internalized these rights and refer back to them when something doesn't feel right in a relationship, but I remember the time when these rights were foreign to me and I thought I deserved nothing better than abuse.

It is important to remember that our rights are also our responsibilities in relationships. and that we have the right to express ourselves as long as we are not abusive towards others.

If you are in a situation of abuse, ask for help. YOU MATTER and YOU HAVE THE RIGHT to live free of emotional, verbal and physical abuse***.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

***note: both women and men can be victims of abuse.

Quote for Today

"Mistakes move me forward."

~ Virginia Kravitz, Life Coach ~ In The Current

Last Friday, I had the oppotunity to meet Virginia Kravitz, life coach and co-author of OASIS in the Overwhelm 28 Day Guide: Rewire Your Brain from Chaos to Calm


We spoke briefly about things that usually hold us back from living lives filled with passion, intentionality, and purpose.

For me, it is fear of making mistakes. Virginia said: "Think about this: Mistakes move me forward..." Thanks so much for the powerful reminder Virginia!!

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So the conversation with Virginia got me thinking: We always succeed in producing results. Results may not be what we expected or needed, but we can use our mistakes to learn about what works and does not work, and then try again. Mistakes indeed move us forward and can be a valuable learning experiences if we choose to see them that way.
Is there a mistake you made in the past that turned out into a learning experience for you? What lesson(s) did you learn? Is there a mistake in your life that you can choose to forgive yourself for, learn from and move on?

peace, hope and love,

Lily

The Gift Revolution

The secret movement I blogged about this past week was revealed internationally this weekend.

The Gift Revolution is a movement started by a group of businesses, churches and individuals that want to make a difference this holiday season by inspiring the world and making a difference through acts of giving. It is going on in 21 countries and 6 continents (so far).

On The Gift Revolution website, people can share their stories and upload videos of how they are making a difference, or how others have made a difference in their lives through The Gift Revolution. For more information, click HERE.

Doing something for others takes the focus from us and our pain. Make a difference in someone's life this holiday season, step outside of your world and into someone else's, step outside your story and into someone else's story.

Change the conversation in your head to one of giving, openness, peace, hope, courage, strength and possibility and watch your life start to change one step at a time.

May this holiday season be a reminder for you to step outside of yourself, your life story and your pain and give yourself and others the gift of saying, though an act of kindness: I matter, YOU matter, We are worth it.

Here is a sample of what The Gift Revolution is all about. Click to watch the video.


Quick Hits

peace, hope and love,

Lily

This Weekend

Don't miss this Weekend! from Flamingo Road Church on Vimeo.

Hi all,
Those of you that are local readers and have been to our support group meetings know that we meet at Flamingo Road Church. It was a teaching from Pastor Troy Gramling (seen in video above) back in 2006, that inspired me to start what today is the ANAD Broward County Chapter. (Thanks Flamingo Road! Thanks Pastor Troy!)

From time to time I will post a promo video of an upcoming series here on the blog. Here is the promo video for the new series that is starting this weekend. I can't say much about it (cause it's a secret) but it is going to be an AMAZING holiday series.

You can click HERE for this weekend's service times, directions to local campuses or to view live at any of the scheduled service times by clicking on the internet campus link on that same page.

If you are in the area, check it out, it is going to be BIG, HUGE, AMAZING and you will want to say you were there to see it live.

Well, off to bed now. Gotta catch a plane early tomorrow morning but I will definitely be checking out one of the services this weekend.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Quote for Today

“You have to find something that you love enough to be able to take risks, jump over the hurdles and break through the brick walls that are always going to be placed in front of you. If you don't have that kind of feeling for what it is you are doing, you'll stop at the first giant hurdle.”

~ George Lucas

One word can change everything.

YesMan is a new Jim Carrey movie coming out on December 19th, 2008. It is the story of a very unhappy guy, Carl Allen, that is used to saying NO to everything. He attends a self-help seminar based on the premise that he should say YES to everything…and anything!

Carl begins to say YES to things he used to say NO to and "the power of 'YES' begins to transform Carl‘s life in amazing and unexpected ways." But in true Jim Carrey style, he gets into worlds of trouble for saying YES to absolutely every single opportunity and every single request that comes his way.

The whole premise of the movie got me thinking: Sometimes we are afraid to say YES and miss out on so much because we say NO to life instead....and sometimes we are afraid to say NO and instead say YES to things we should be saying NO to....

Are you saying NO to life and missing out on possibilities and opportunities that can potentially lead you to a healthy, happy life? Are you saying YES to things that you should be saying NO to?

Saying YES when we want to say NO and saying NO when we want to say YES can lead to resentment, anger, guilt, frustration and hurt.

It is all about finding a healthy balance between our YESes and our NOs.

What would it be like for you to be able to say YES when you need to say YES and NO when you need to say NO?

Here is the movie trailer for YesMan. Hope it makes you smile and re-think your YESes and your NOs....



peace, hope and love,

Lily

New Pro-Recovery Eating Disorder Group Coming to Weston, FL

Coming Soon! Nicolle Arbelaez Lopez, Psy.D. is starting a New Pro-Recovery Eating Disorder Group as part of the services she provides through her practice in Weston, Florida. The Group will take place on Tuesday evenings from 6 to 7:15 PM in Weston, Florida and will be starting in the next couple of weeks.

It will be a process, support and psycho-educational group for women who are in recovery and need additional support, especially during the holidays. The cost will be $60 for the group session. For more information, please contact Dr. Nicolle Arbelaez Lopez at 954-804-5144 or via email at DrNicolle@soflapsychology.com . You can visit Nicolle's website by clicking HERE.

Thanks for the information Nicolle! Look forward to having you as a guest speaker in 2009!

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Question for Today

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I subscribe to "Today's Gift" from Hazelden.org. Here is one of the emails I received this week. I was actually in a bad mood (kinda sad/annoyed/tired) when I received the email. The quote and the concept really came at a perfect time. What a great reminder! I wanted to share it with you.....

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You feel the way you do right now because of the thoughts you are thinking at this moment.
--David D. Burns

"Good thoughts are like bright colors in a painting. Negative thoughts are dark and dreary and drab. Each day we paint pictures of our own lives with our thoughts. If we step back and look at the canvas, we will see whether the picture is alive with bright colors or dreary and lifeless like a dark cloud. Our thoughts have the power to bring joy or sadness our way, depending on what we expect or look for in our surroundings. The choice of how we want our lives to be is ours. Since we paint a new picture each day, we are always free to change things when they don't please us. What better time than the present?"

Question for today: Is there something in my life I'd like to change today?

source: Today's Gift by Anonymous

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We can't worry or pout our problems into submission. We have to do something different, think something different, take action. Pray, ask for help, reach out, learn a new coping tool, go back to the ABCs of recovery (whatever they are for you). Take even a small step in the right direction. It works.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

***note: you can find more funny cat pictures (with captions) on this site. It is a very funny site http://icanhascheezburger.com/

Quote for Today

"The key word is trying. And that's half the battle I think."
~ Healthy Lindsay

Lindsay is one of the bravest, most courageous bloggers I know. She is an amazing example of perseverance. Next time you think of giving up, follow Lindsay's example.

Don't give up before you try!

Happy Birthday Lindsay!!

You can check out Lindsay's blog by clicking HERE.

peace, hope and love,

Lily