If you are ready to change your situation...

"If you are ready to change your situation, then it's time to change what you say about your situation. If you want a different harvest in your life, you have to change the seeds you are sowing. It's time to speak life over your future. Our attitude should be, "This may be the way it's been in the past, but this is not the way it's staying. I'm coming up higher. I may feel weak, but my declaration is that I am strong." ~ Joel Osteen

Life, Hope, Choices and Second Chances

The following is one of the most powerful quotes I have heard in a long time. Abby Rike is a theater/speech teacher and debate coach from Mabank, TX. In 2006, she lost her husband, 5½ year-old daughter and 2½ week-old son in a fatal car crash.

After her tragedy, Abby has moved from choosing to survive, then to exist and finally to live and love again...Here is what Abby has to say today about life, hope, choices and second chances...

"The fact is that life is hard and sometimes it is not fair. But guys, I am happy to tell you that, even in your darkest hour, there is always hope and I am living proof of that today.

Because I am going to tell you, just like I would tell the man that killed my family had he lived and were standing here today: Today is your second chance...to choose differently. You can choose differently!! You can choose differently to overcome your circumstances, to overcome your hurts and to become everything you always wanted to be."

~ Abby Rike

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Most of us will never know pain and tragedy like Abby has gone through, but we can be inspired and moved to survive, exist and live again!

THANK YOU ABBY FOR YOUR AMAZING EXAMPLE!!! You rock!!!

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Reminder for Today

I receive a daily email from Hazelden.org called Today's Gift. Here is a recent one that I really liked.

"In my new life, I sometimes feel a lack of excitement. I might miss the old adrenaline rush I used to get during a crisis. Even though I didn't like being in a crisis, the feeling I had in my body became familiar to me.

I can find new activities or interests that feel exhilarating but that aren't harmful to me or others. It could be the excitement of enjoying a carnival ride, winning a race, playing a party game with friends, learning a new hobby or craft, or watching a suspenseful movie. These are just some things I might do to give my life some excitement without creating a crisis.

When I feel like something is missing, I will try to pinpoint what it is and think about filling the emptiness with something that's good for me."

source: Time to Break Free by Judith R. Smith

*******************

Reminder for Today: When I am willing to leave behind unhealthy behaviors and activities, I have to incorporate healthy behaviors and activities to take their place.

Peace, hope and love,

Lily

Love Me by JJ Heller

I just heard music by JJ Heller on So You Think You Can Dance and loved her music and lyrics. Here is one of her songs, called Love Me...




Lyrics to Love Me :
He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?”

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would’ve stayed
And she says…

Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means

He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said
“I know you’ve murdered and I know you’ve lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I...”

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew

The Body Project - Coming to Weston, FL

Don't miss this great 5 session group coming to Weston, FL in October! Space is limited!

The Body Project
by Nicolle Arbelaez Lopez, Psy.D. and Carmen C. Contarini, Psy.D.

Are you dissatisfied with your body image? Do you struggle with societal pressures about how your body “should” look?


The Body Project is a 5 session (1 hour ) weekly group focused on aiding young women ages 18-25 years old.

This group is based on empirically supported studies demonstrating that women who participate in discussion and weekly assignments, challenging the thin ideal and societal body image pressures, improve body satisfaction.

Starting: October 22 - November 19, 2009
Thursday Evenings 6:30- 7:30pm

Location: 2237 N. Commerce Parkway, Suite 3 ~ Weston, Florida 33326

Total Price: $299 or early registration discount of $249 by October 9, 2009. ~ Group limited to 8 women.

For more information, please contact:
Nicolle Arbelaez Lopez, Psy.D.
(954) 804-5144

Carmen C. Contarini, Psy.D.
(305) 308-3577

Peace of Mind

Peace of mind comes from accepting what we can do nothing about and taking responsibility for what we can.

Today I pray for the wisdom that helps me know the difference.

source: Wisdom to Know by Anonymous

More Beautiful You

Thanks so much to my sister in law Flora for sharing this song with me...!

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you



Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

[Chorus]

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty-one the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man but he's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And he'll treat you like the jewel you are

[chorus]

So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl

[chorus]

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

Make it so today is not like yesterday, and tomorrow will be different for ever ~ Tony Robbins

Saying No Part II - Lesson from Baby Jonah

I am very often reminded of life's simple yet powerful lessons when I see my baby nephew Jonah.
The latest lesson from baby Jonah: Remember it is ok to say No.

Here is Jonah practicing his Nos. We seem to forget to say No when we grow out of our terrible twos (or in Jonah's case) the "cute-as-heck" twos...



source: The Power of Saying No

Most of us said, "No!" quite well when we were two. After all, it's the two-year-old's job to say "No." The authority figures in our lives at the time, our parents, expect us to say "No." And it is because of "No" that the year is known as the Terrible Two's.

Many of us grow up to be people pleasers. The word "No" drops out of our vocabulary, and we substitute lots of ways to be agreeable and keep the other person happy. Saying "No" to the authority figures is not expected. And underneath it all we believe that saying "No" can cost us a lot in our adult life.

=======================
The unassertive "No"
=======================
is accompanied by weak excuses and rationalizations. If you lack confidence when you say "No" you may think that you need to support your "No" with lots of reasons to convince the other person that you mean it.

You might even make up an excuse to support your "No." This can backfire if the lie is exposed and again, you will sound ineffective because you need to have an excuse to support your stand.

=======================
The aggressive "No"
=======================
is done with contempt. "Are you kidding? Me, get your mail while you're out of town?"

Sometimes the aggressive "No" includes an attack on the person making the request. "You must be crazy. I couldn't take on a project that unimportant."

=======================
The assertive "No"
=======================
is simple and direct. "No, I won't be able to help with that." If you would like to offer an explanation, make it short and simple. "No, I won't be able to help with that. I've already made a commitment for Friday afternoon."

=======================
Strategies to make the assertive "No" easier
=======================
1. When someone makes a request, it is always OK to *ASK FOR TIME TO THINK IT OVER*. In thinking it over, remind yourself that the decision is entirely up to you.

2. Use your nonverbal assertiveness to underline the "No." Make sure that your voice is firm and direct. Look into the person's eyes as you say, "No." Shake your head "No," as you say, "No."

3. Remember that "No," is an honorable response. If you decide that "No," is the answer that you prefer to give, then it is authentic and honest for you to say, "No."

4. If you say, "Yes," when you want to say, "No," you will feel resentful throughout whatever you agreed to do. This costs you energy and discomfort and is not necessary if you just say, "No" when you need to.

5. If you are saying, "No," to someone whom you would help under different circumstances, use an empathic response to ease the rejection. For example, to your friend who needs you to keep her child while she goes to the doctor, you might say, "No, Susie, I can't keep Billie for you. I know it must be hard for you to find someone at that time of day, but I have already made lunch plans and I won't be able to help you.

6. Start your sentence with the word, "No." It's easier to keep the commitment to say, "No," if it's the first word out of your mouth.

=======================
Practicing for the World Series
=======================
Let's look at some daily ways you can practice saying, "No," so that it comes more naturally to you. Paulette Dale in her book, Did You Say Something, Susan? suggests some simple ways to practice saying, "No." Here are some of her suggestions:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Say "No,"
to the clerk who wants to write your phone number down
when you return something to the store;
to the telemarketer who disturbs your dinner;
to the perfume demonstrator at the department store;
to your friend's pets when they jump on you;
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Make it a project to say, "No," to something every day.

When you do, notice it and give yourself credit for practicing saying such an important two letter word.

source: The Power of Saying No

Saying No

"For many of us, the most difficult word to say is one of the shortest and easiest in the vocabulary: No.

Go ahead, say it aloud: No.

No - simple to pronounce, hard to say. We’re afraid people won’t like us, or we feel guilty. We may believe that a “good” employee, child, parent, spouse, or Christian never says no.

The problem is, if we don’t learn to say no, we stop liking ourselves and the people we always try to please. We may even punish others out of resentment.

When do we say no? When no is what we really mean.

When we learn to say no, we stop lying. People can trust us, and we can trust ourselves. All sorts of good things happen when we start saying what we mean.

If we’re scared to say no, we can buy some time. We can take a break, rehearse the word, and go back and say no. We don’t have to offer long explanations for our decisions.

When we can say no, we can say yes to the good. Our no’s and our yes’s begin to be taken seriously. We gain control of ourselves. And we learn a secret: “No” isn’t really that hard to say."

Challenge for Today: Today, I will say no if that is what I mean.

source: The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

unafraid of endings

I can be unafraid of endings because I know they are only the first half of beginnings.

~ Night Light by Amy E. Dean

Letting Go of What Does Not Work

"All personal breakthroughs begin with a change in beliefs..what belief have you held on to that has out lived its usefulness in your life?"

~ Tony Robbins

other people's opinion

"I am not other people's opinion of me"....such an important, liberating lesson to learn....

This Exact Moment

"Take a minute to look around you and find five things about this exact moment for which you are grateful."

~ quote I found on twitter

A Perfect Depiction of Addiction

Last night, there was a Mia Michaels choreography on So You Think You Can Dance about Addiction. Kupono (the guy) represented the addiction and Kayla (the girl) was the addict. What a powerful dance!!! Check it out!!!!!

In Mia Michaels' words:

This piece today is about addiction. I think everybody at one point will have or has had an experience with wanting something that is not good for you...

The Man In The Mirror

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change

~ Michael Jackson (1958 - 2009)

Do you stop and listen?

Yesterday I read a very interesting article. In January 2007, The Washington Post arranged a performance by world-renowned violinist Joshua Bell in a Washington metro station as an experiment in context, perception and priorities.

Joshua Bell, dressed in a t-shirt, jeans and baseball cap performed six classical pieces on his $3.5 million dollar violin (handcrafted in 1713 by Antonio Stradivari) for 43 minutes. Over 1,000 people walked past him. Only a handful stopped to listen briefly. At the end of the 43 minutes he made $32.17.

Here is a high speed video clip of his performance:



The Washington Post reporter asks the following question as one of his conclusions:
If we can't take the time out of our lives to stay a moment and listen to one of the best musicians on Earth play some of the best music ever written; if the surge of modern life so overpowers us that we are deaf and blind to something like that -- then what else are we missing?

*****************

How about you? Would you have stopped and listened? Is there something you may be missing out on because the pace and demands of life are so overpowering? Stop and think. Better yet, stop and listen!!

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Another interesting fact: "There was no ethnic or demographic pattern to distinguish the people who stayed to watch Bell, or the ones who gave money, from that vast majority who hurried on past, unheeding. Whites, blacks and Asians, young and old, men and women, were represented in all three groups. But the behavior of one demographic remained absolutely consistent. Every single time a child walked past, he or she tried to stop and watch. And every single time, a parent scooted the kid away."

note: to read the entire Washington Post article, click HERE.

New Territory

This is the Ralph Marston piece that we used to end our last meeting...

New territory

Look in the direction of what you think you cannot do,
of what you've been reluctant to undertake.

You'll see a pathway that leads to new levels of success and achievement.
You've already done all the comfortable and familiar things.
To create new value, step out into new territory.

You've already successfully adjusted to countless new situations.
You've already been able to move forward through all kinds of challenges.
Now is the time to make use of that ability again.
Now is when you can boldly venture into new, valuable, productive, effective territory and raise yourself to an even higher level than before.

The fact that the challenges are daunting, serves to make the rewards that much greater.
You have what it takes to meet those challenges and reach those rewards.

Open yourself to the opportunities of living richly and making significant, continuing contributions to your world.

Follow the possibilities into a bright, new territory of achievement and value.

-- Ralph Marston

Saying Goodbye

This weekend we say good-bye to Broward ANAD. Come join us for our last support group meeting this Sunday, June 14th, 2009 at 7:00 PM. Thanks so much for letting us be a part of your recovery during the last 2 and a half years!

peace, hope and love,

ANAD Broward County Chapter

Accepting We Need Extra Help

So this week I had an EMG (Electromyography) done on my left arm. It is a diagnostic test to determine nerve and muscle function. It was like a small-scale-mini-torture session. Not painful for the most part, just really, really uncomfortable repeated electric shocks and needles. Ouch!!

I was putting off going to the doctor because I thought I would get better on my own.



I also purchased a brace today after putting it off for days.

I kept thinking my injury would go away by itself, so why invest the time and money in doing something about it.

It's been almost a month and I am still not better so I finally had to accept that I am going to need extra help to get better.

How about you, have you been trying to do recovery alone and it is not working? Is it time to ask someone you trust for help?

peace, hope and love,

Lily

The message in this day

Here is the reading we used to end the group tonight.







The message in this day
+++++++++++++++++++

"What is today telling you? Instead of feeling that you must
fight against the events and developments of this day,
decide to carefully listen.

Imagine that there's a message in each circumstance that
comes your way. Proceed as if you're receiving valuable
information that can make a real difference in your life and
in your world.

Instead of becoming completely consumed by what's happening,
take a moment to consider why. Then go one step further and
look at ways you can make use of the new knowledge that is
coming your way.

The challenges that arrive, the joys you experience, the
disappointments, the discoveries, and the seemingly random
happenings all add up to something. Let go of the need to
instantly jump to shallow conclusions about each little
thing, and seek to know the whole picture.

Find out for yourself what happens when you make the
assumption that everything occurs for a reason, and that
those reasons are good. Take a step back from what seems to
be turmoil, observe with your heart, and you'll begin to see
order.

Choose to see the message that today is bringing. And you'll
find in it real treasure."

~Ralph Marston

Dancing in the Rain

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass,
it's about learning to dance in the rain."
~ Anonymous

Letting Go

source: Hazelden.org

Reflection for the Day
"In the past, and sometimes even now, I automatically have thought, "Why me?", when I'm trying to learn that my first problem is to accept my present circumstances as they are, myself as I am, and the people around me as they are. Just as I finally accepted my powerlessness over my addiction, so must I accept my powerlessness over people, places and things. Am I learning to accept life on life's terms?"

Today I Pray
"May I learn to control my urge to control, my compulsion to manage, neaten, organize and label the lives of others. May I learn to accept situations and people as they are instead of as I would like them to be. Thus, may I do away with the ongoing frustrations that a controlling person by nature, faces continually."

Looking Closely and Making Small Changes

I've purposely stayed away from my laptop during the last week. I somehow injured a nerve in my elbow and my left pinkie finger has been asleep (ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz) for the last week.

This past week, I consciously looked at different things I have been doing that might have contributed to my small but uncomfortable injury. I found out that I have horrible posture when I sit in front of the computer at work, I use my laptop a lot at home also in bad posture, I hold books with my left hand and use my left elbow for support when reading.

So I am making some changes to contribute to the recovery of my pinkie.

How about you? If you look closely at your life, what small changes do you think could help in your recovery and to live a happier/healthier life?

peace, hope and love,

Lily

If you ever feel different...

Around this time every year you'll see my obligatory American Idol posts. I am a huge American Idol fan!

My favorite Idol contestant this year is Adam Lambert. Last week, the three finalists returned to their hometowns for a visit, local radio/tv appearances and to spend some time with their family, friends and fans.

During his packed schedule in San Diego, Adam requested to visit MET2 . MET2, The Metropolitan Educational Theater Network, is a "non-profit educational organization committed to providing young people with the unique opportunity to be active participants in the dramatic process as actors, singers, and dancers." Adam was part of MET2 from the time he was 8 'til the time he was 17.

Adam has repeatedly said during Idol interviews that he was always the weird kid, that he wasn't popular in high school because he was different, a drama geek.

I love the message her shared with the 200+ children from MET2 last week. The kids got to ask him questions and he had a question for them too. Here it is:

“How many of you feel a little different because you’re creative and in the arts? Well, just let it go. Say ‘I’m gonna be okay as a creative/artistic person and there’s nothing wrong with that.’ If you ever feel different, hold your head up high."

His question really touched my heart and made me think of all the times I felt different growing up: I was taller that most girls and guys in my class, I had glasses, braces and a back brace all at the same time for a while, I'd rather read than go to parties....still today I feel different sometimes (for example, I choose a different career path and life than most of my overachieving family)...

For many years I judged those different from me and was my toughest, worst judge and critic. I have learned to respect, embrace and be compassionate towards my differences and the differences in others.

How did you feel different growing up? How do you sometimes feel different today?

Next time you feel different, remember Adam's words during his visit to MET2:

“How many of you feel a little different because you’re X, Y, Z? Well, just let it go. Say ‘I’m gonna be okay as X, Y, Z person and there’s nothing wrong with that.'
If you ever feel different, hold your head up high."

peace, hope and love,

Lily