Have you ever heard of New Year ANTI-Resolutions? I hadn't until last year. In a world where we are constantly being driven (by ourselves and others) to be a better version of ourselves, to improve, to change, to transform, we often forget all the positive qualities, behaviors we already posses.
What are five things (positive/healthy) about yourself that you already posses and don't want to change/give up? What are your five ANTI-Resolutions?
For me...I would not like to change/give up: 1) My love for reading and writing 2) Believing in God's promises 3) Constantly striving to live a balanced life 4) Being a good listener and friend 5) Being as assertive as I have learned to be
These are my ANTI-Resolutions. What are yours?**
peace, hope and love,
Lily
**note: if you can't think of any, ask someone you trust/love. What are 5 things they would not like you to change about you?
"1 in 6 adults and almost 1 in 10children suffer from a diagnosable mental illness. Yet, for many, the stigma associated with the illness, can be as great a challenge as the disease itself."
"BringChange2Mind.org combats the stigma surrounding mental illness. Spearheaded by actress Glenn Close, the organization provides a global forum for people to share their stories and shed light on the unfair shame that's inflicted upon those living with mental illness. Watch videos, get news, take part in events and more.
BringChange2Mind.org is a hub for all resources related to eliminating mental illness stigma. Join the discussion or share your story today: http://bringchange2mind.org/ "
In the past, I have been "the abused" in emotionally/verbally abusive relationships. I had no idea what my rights were as a person. I also did not know what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like and used to think I deserved no better that to be treated badly.Learning what my rights and responsibilities are as an individual and with my family, friends, and those I do life with, has been a very important part of my recovery.
It is important to remember that our rights are also our responsibilities in relationships. and that we have the right to express ourselves as long as we are not abusive towards others.
The right to be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy.
The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage.
The right to have your own view, even if your partner has a different view.
The right to have your feelings and experience acknowledged as real.
The right to receive a sincere apology for any jokes you may find offensive.
The right to clear and informative answers to questions that concern you.
The right to live free from accusation and blame.
The right to live free from criticism, judgment, put-downs or ridicule.
The right to have your work and your interests spoken of with respect.
The right to encouragement.
The right to live free from emotional and physical threat.
The right to be called by no name that devalues you.
The right to be respectfully asked rather than ordered.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I have internalized these rights and refer back to them when something doesn't feel right in a relationship, but I remember the time when these rights were foreign to me and I thought I deserved nothing better than abuse.
If you are in a situation of abuse, ask for help. YOU MATTER and YOU HAVE THE RIGHT to live free of emotional, verbal and physical abuse***.
peace, hope and love,
Lily ***note: both women and men can be victims of abuse in both personal and professional settings.
"If you are ready to change your situation, then it's time to change what you say about your situation. If you want a different harvest in your life, you have to change the seeds you are sowing. It's time to speak life over your future. Our attitude should be, "This may be the way it's been in the past, but this is not the way it's staying. I'm coming up higher. I may feel weak, but my declaration is that I am strong." ~ Joel Osteen
The following is one of the most powerful quotes I have heard in a long time. Abby Rike is a theater/speech teacher and debate coach from Mabank, TX. In 2006, she lost her husband, 5½ year-old daughter and 2½ week-old son in a fatal car crash.
After her tragedy, Abby has moved from choosing to survive, then to exist and finally to live and love again...Here is what Abby has to say today about life, hope, choices and second chances...
"The fact is that life is hard and sometimes it is not fair. But guys, I am happy to tell you that, even in your darkest hour, there is always hope and I am living proof of that today.
Because I am going to tell you, just like I would tell the man that killed my family had he lived and were standing here today: Today is your second chance...to choose differently. You can choose differently!! You can choose differently to overcome your circumstances, to overcome your hurts and to become everything you always wanted to be."
~ Abby Rike
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Most of us will never know pain and tragedy like Abby has gone through, but we can be inspired and moved to survive, exist and live again!
THANK YOU ABBY FOR YOUR AMAZING EXAMPLE!!! You rock!!!
I receive a daily email from Hazelden.org called Today's Gift. Here is a recent one that I really liked.
"In my new life, I sometimes feel a lack of excitement. I might miss the old adrenaline rush I used to get during a crisis. Even though I didn't like being in a crisis, the feeling I had in my body became familiar to me.
I can find new activities or interests that feel exhilarating but that aren't harmful to me or others. It could be the excitement of enjoying a carnival ride, winning a race, playing a party game with friends, learning a new hobby or craft, or watching a suspenseful movie. These are just some things I might do to give my life some excitement without creating a crisis.
When I feel like something is missing, I will try to pinpoint what it is and think about filling the emptiness with something that's good for me."
Reminder for Today: When I am willing to leave behind unhealthy behaviors and activities, I have to incorporate healthy behaviors and activities to take their place.
Lyrics to Love Me :He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?”
Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means
Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would’ve stayed
And she says…
Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means
He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”
Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said
“I know you’ve murdered and I know you’ve lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I...”
I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew
Don't miss this great 5 session group coming to Weston, FL in October! Space is limited!
The Body Project by Nicolle Arbelaez Lopez, Psy.D. and Carmen C. Contarini, Psy.D.
Are you dissatisfied with your body image?Do you struggle with societal pressures about how your body “should” look?
The Body Project is a 5 session (1 hour ) weekly group focused on aiding young women ages 18-25 years old.
This group is based on empirically supported studies demonstrating that women who participate in discussion and weekly assignments, challenging the thin ideal and societal body image pressures, improve body satisfaction.
Starting: October 22 - November 19, 2009 Thursday Evenings 6:30- 7:30pm
Location: 2237 N. Commerce Parkway, Suite 3 ~ Weston, Florida 33326
Total Price: $299 or early registration discount of $249 by October 9, 2009. ~ Group limited to 8 women.
For more information, please contact: Nicolle Arbelaez Lopez, Psy.D. (954) 804-5144
Thanks so much to my sister in law Flora for sharing this song with me...!
There could never be a more beautiful you Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do So there could never be a more beautiful you
Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine Says she wants to look that way But her hair isn't straight her body isn't fake And she's always felt overweight
Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see That beauty is within your heart And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair Are perfect just the way they are
[Chorus]
There could never be a more beautiful you Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do So there could never be a more beautiful you
Little girl twenty-one the things that you've already done Anything to get ahead And you say you've got a man but he's got another plan Only wants what you will do instead
Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come You starve yourself to play the part But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true And he'll treat you like the jewel you are
[chorus]
So turn around you're not too far To back away be who you are To change your path go another way It's not too late you can be saved If you feel depressed with past regrets The shameful nights hope to forget Can disappear they can all be washed away By the one who's strong can right your wrongs Can rid your fears dry all your tears And change the way you look at this big world He will take your dark distorted view And with His light He will show you truth And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl
I am very often reminded of life's simple yet powerful lessons when I see my baby nephew Jonah. The latest lesson from baby Jonah: Remember it is ok to say No.
Here is Jonah practicing his Nos. We seem to forget to say No when we grow out of our terrible twos (or in Jonah's case) the "cute-as-heck" twos...
Most of us said, "No!" quite well when we were two. After all, it's the two-year-old's job to say "No." The authority figures in our lives at the time, our parents, expect us to say "No." And it is because of "No" that the year is known as the Terrible Two's.
Many of us grow up to be people pleasers. The word "No" drops out of our vocabulary, and we substitute lots of ways to be agreeable and keep the other person happy. Saying "No" to the authority figures is not expected. And underneath it all we believe that saying "No" can cost us a lot in our adult life.
======================= The unassertive "No" ======================= is accompanied by weak excuses and rationalizations. If you lack confidence when you say "No" you may think that you need to support your "No" with lots of reasons to convince the other person that you mean it.
You might even make up an excuse to support your "No." This can backfire if the lie is exposed and again, you will sound ineffective because you need to have an excuse to support your stand.
======================= The aggressive "No" ======================= is done with contempt. "Are you kidding? Me, get your mail while you're out of town?"
Sometimes the aggressive "No" includes an attack on the person making the request. "You must be crazy. I couldn't take on a project that unimportant."
======================= The assertive "No" ======================= is simple and direct. "No, I won't be able to help with that." If you would like to offer an explanation, make it short and simple. "No, I won't be able to help with that. I've already made a commitment for Friday afternoon."
======================= Strategies to make the assertive "No" easier ======================= 1. When someone makes a request, it is always OK to *ASK FOR TIME TO THINK IT OVER*. In thinking it over, remind yourself that the decision is entirely up to you.
2. Use your nonverbal assertiveness to underline the "No." Make sure that your voice is firm and direct. Look into the person's eyes as you say, "No." Shake your head "No," as you say, "No."
3. Remember that "No," is an honorable response. If you decide that "No," is the answer that you prefer to give, then it is authentic and honest for you to say, "No."
4. If you say, "Yes," when you want to say, "No," you will feel resentful throughout whatever you agreed to do. This costs you energy and discomfort and is not necessary if you just say, "No" when you need to.
5. If you are saying, "No," to someone whom you would help under different circumstances, use an empathic response to ease the rejection. For example, to your friend who needs you to keep her child while she goes to the doctor, you might say, "No, Susie, I can't keep Billie for you. I know it must be hard for you to find someone at that time of day, but I have already made lunch plans and I won't be able to help you.
6. Start your sentence with the word, "No." It's easier to keep the commitment to say, "No," if it's the first word out of your mouth.
======================= Practicing for the World Series ======================= Let's look at some daily ways you can practice saying, "No," so that it comes more naturally to you. Paulette Dale in her book, Did You Say Something, Susan? suggests some simple ways to practice saying, "No." Here are some of her suggestions: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Say "No," to the clerk who wants to write your phone number down when you return something to the store; to the telemarketer who disturbs your dinner; to the perfume demonstrator at the department store; to your friend's pets when they jump on you; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make it a project to say, "No," to something every day.
When you do, notice it and give yourself credit for practicing saying such an important two letter word.
"For many of us, the most difficult word to say is one of the shortest and easiest in the vocabulary: No.
Go ahead, say it aloud: No.
No - simple to pronounce, hard to say. We’re afraid people won’t like us, or we feel guilty. We may believe that a “good” employee, child, parent, spouse, or Christian never says no.
The problem is, if we don’t learn to say no, we stop liking ourselves and the people we always try to please. We may even punish others out of resentment.
When do we say no? When no is what we really mean.
When we learn to say no, we stop lying. People can trust us, and we can trust ourselves. All sorts of good things happen when we start saying what we mean.
If we’re scared to say no, we can buy some time. We can take a break, rehearse the word, and go back and say no. We don’t have to offer long explanations for our decisions.
When we can say no, we can say yes to the good. Our no’s and our yes’s begin to be taken seriously. We gain control of ourselves. And we learn a secret: “No” isn’t really that hard to say."
Challenge for Today: Today, I will say no if that is what I mean.
Last night, there was a Mia Michaels choreography on So You Think You Can Dance about Addiction. Kupono (the guy) represented the addiction and Kayla (the girl) was the addict. What a powerful dance!!! Check it out!!!!!
In Mia Michaels' words:
This piece today is about addiction. I think everybody at one point will have or has had an experience with wanting something that is not good for you...
I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place (If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place) Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change
Yesterday I read a very interesting article. In January 2007, The Washington Post arranged a performance by world-renowned violinist Joshua Bell in a Washington metro station as an experiment in context, perception and priorities.
Joshua Bell, dressed in a t-shirt, jeans and baseball cap performed six classical pieces on his $3.5 million dollar violin (handcrafted in 1713 by Antonio Stradivari) for 43 minutes. Over 1,000 people walked past him. Only a handful stopped to listen briefly. At the end of the 43 minutes he made $32.17.
Here is a high speed video clip of his performance:
The Washington Post reporter asks the following question as one of his conclusions: If we can't take the time out of our lives to stay a moment and listen to one of the best musicians on Earth play some of the best music ever written; if the surge of modern life so overpowers us that we are deaf and blind to something like that -- then what else are we missing?
*****************
How about you? Would you have stopped and listened? Is there something you may be missing out on because the pace and demands of life are so overpowering? Stop and think. Better yet, stop and listen!!
peace, hope and love,
Lily
Another interesting fact: "There was no ethnic or demographic pattern to distinguish the people who stayed to watch Bell, or the ones who gave money, from that vast majority who hurried on past, unheeding. Whites, blacks and Asians, young and old, men and women, were represented in all three groups. But the behavior of one demographic remained absolutely consistent. Every single time a child walked past, he or she tried to stop and watch. And every single time, a parent scooted the kid away."
note: to read the entire Washington Post article, click HERE.
This is the Ralph Marston piece that we used to end our last meeting...
New territory
Look in the direction of what you think you cannot do, of what you've been reluctant to undertake.
You'll see a pathway that leads to new levels of success and achievement. You've already done all the comfortable and familiar things. To create new value, step out into new territory.
You've already successfully adjusted to countless new situations. You've already been able to move forward through all kinds of challenges. Now is the time to make use of that ability again. Now is when you can boldly venture into new, valuable, productive, effective territory and raise yourself to an even higher level than before.
The fact that the challenges are daunting, serves to make the rewards that much greater. You have what it takes to meet those challenges and reach those rewards.
Open yourself to the opportunities of living richly and making significant, continuing contributions to your world.
Follow the possibilities into a bright, new territory of achievement and value.
This weekend we say good-bye to Broward ANAD. Come join us for our last support group meeting this Sunday, June 14th, 2009 at 7:00 PM. Thanks so much for letting us be a part of your recovery during the last 2 and a half years!
So this week I had an EMG (Electromyography) done on my left arm. It is a diagnostic test to determine nerve and muscle function. It was like a small-scale-mini-torture session. Not painful for the most part, just really, really uncomfortable repeated electric shocks and needles. Ouch!!
I was putting off going to the doctor because I thought I would get better on my own.
I also purchased a brace today after putting it off for days.
I kept thinking my injury would go away by itself, so why invest the time and money in doing something about it.
It's been almost a month and I am still not better so I finally had to accept that I am going to need extra help to get better.
How about you, have you been trying to do recovery alone and it is not working? Is it time to ask someone you trust for help?
Here is the reading we used to end the group tonight.
The message in this day +++++++++++++++++++
"What is today telling you? Instead of feeling that you must fight against the events and developments of this day, decide to carefully listen.
Imagine that there's a message in each circumstance that comes your way. Proceed as if you're receiving valuable information that can make a real difference in your life and in your world.
Instead of becoming completely consumed by what's happening, take a moment to consider why. Then go one step further and look at ways you can make use of the new knowledge that is coming your way.
The challenges that arrive, the joys you experience, the disappointments, the discoveries, and the seemingly random happenings all add up to something. Let go of the need to instantly jump to shallow conclusions about each little thing, and seek to know the whole picture.
Find out for yourself what happens when you make the assumption that everything occurs for a reason, and that those reasons are good. Take a step back from what seems to be turmoil, observe with your heart, and you'll begin to see order.
Choose to see the message that today is bringing. And you'll find in it real treasure."
source:Hazelden.org Reflection for the Day "In the past, and sometimes even now, I automatically have thought, "Why me?", when I'm trying to learn that my first problem is to accept my present circumstances as they are, myself as I am, and the people around me as they are. Just as I finally accepted my powerlessness over my addiction, so must I accept my powerlessness over people, places and things. Am I learning to accept life on life's terms?"
Today I Pray "May I learn to control my urge to control, my compulsion to manage, neaten, organize and label the lives of others. May I learn to accept situations and people as they are instead of as I would like them to be. Thus, may I do away with the ongoing frustrations that a controlling person by nature, faces continually."
I've purposely stayed away from my laptop during the last week. I somehow injured a nerve in my elbow and my left pinkie finger has been asleep (ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz) for the last week.
This past week, I consciously looked at different things I have been doing that might have contributed to my small but uncomfortable injury. I found out that I have horrible posture when I sit in front of the computer at work, I use my laptop a lot at home also in bad posture, I hold books with my left hand and use my left elbow for support when reading.
So I am making some changes to contribute to the recovery of my pinkie.
How about you? If you look closely at your life, what small changes do you think could help in your recovery and to live a happier/healthier life?
Around this time every year you'll see my obligatory American Idol posts. I am a huge American Idol fan!
My favorite Idol contestant this year is Adam Lambert. Last week, the three finalists returned to their hometowns for a visit, local radio/tv appearances and to spend some time with their family, friends and fans.
During his packed schedule in San Diego, Adam requested to visit MET2 . MET2, The Metropolitan Educational Theater Network, is a "non-profit educational organization committed to providing young people with the unique opportunity to be active participants in the dramatic process as actors, singers, and dancers." Adam was part of MET2 from the time he was 8 'til the time he was 17.
Adam has repeatedly said during Idol interviews that he was always the weird kid, that he wasn't popular in high school because he was different, a drama geek.
I love the message her shared with the 200+ children from MET2 last week. The kids got to ask him questions and he had a question for them too. Here it is:
“How many of you feel a little different because you’re creative and in the arts? Well, just let it go. Say ‘I’m gonna be okay as a creative/artistic person and there’s nothing wrong with that.’ If you ever feel different, hold your head up high."
His question really touched my heart and made me think of all the times I felt different growing up: I was taller that most girls and guys in my class, I had glasses, braces and a back brace all at the same time for a while, I'd rather read than go to parties....still today I feel different sometimes (for example, I choose a different career path and life than most of my overachieving family)...
For many years I judged those different from me and was my toughest, worst judge and critic. I have learned to respect, embrace and be compassionate towards my differences and the differences in others.
How did you feel different growing up? How do you sometimes feel different today?
Next time you feel different, remember Adam's words during his visit to MET2:
“How many of you feel a little different because you’re X, Y, Z? Well, just let it go. Say ‘I’m gonna be okay as X, Y, Z person and there’s nothing wrong with that.' If you ever feel different, hold your head up high."
"I am always amazed when I take off in an airplane, on a dark gloomy cloudy day, how bright it actually is once we get passed the clouds. I always try to remind myself during dark times in my life that the light is actually still shining. I just need to pierce the clouds and let the sunshine in. The darkness comes only because something is blocking the light."
This year will be three years that Nikki Kramer, Sarah Greene and I began planning the first ANAD Eating Disorder Support Group in South Florida. We started planning the group in the summer of 2006. Our first meeting was Sunday, December 10th, 2006.
Almost three years later, we have helped and inspired others to start ANAD Support Groups in their communities throughout South Florida.
Now...
If you are looking for a group in Dade County, you can contact Maria at henaome@gmail.com or contact her via phone at (786) 263-2956.
If you need a group in West Palm Beach you can contact Sarah Rainer at PalmBeachANAD@gmail.com .
Tonight I wanted to acknowledge and celebrate how far we've come and thank everyone that has helped make ANAD Broward a success. THANK YOU!!!
How about you? Take a moment to acknowledge, celebrate and be thankful for where you are today. It might not be exactly where you'd thought you'd be after X, Y, Z...but accepting, acknowledging, celebrating and being thankful for where we are today is an important part of getting to where we want to be.
'I have tried to say what happiness is, how we make it, how we lose it, and how we sometimes walk past it without recognizing it. Happiness isn't somewhere else, it's where we are. It isn't something we don't have, we do. It isn't fantasy, it's reality experienced in a certain way. Happiness is a close relative of faith.'
Suzy explains a process for making big and small choices/decisions. A Process she calls 10-10-10. Here's how it works:
1) First you identify your problem/issue/question/possible options. Be as specific as possible.
2) Next comes honest data collection. Answer: "Given my question, what are the consequences of each of my options in ten minutes? in ten months? In ten years?"
3) The last step in the process is analysis. According to Suzie Welch, you need to take all the information you’ve compiled and compare it to your values (your beliefs, goals, dreams, and needs). Ask yourself: “Knowing what I now know about all of my options and their consequences, which decision will best help me create the life I want to live?”
Here is the Suzy Welch interview on The Today Show:
note from Suzie Welch: "(...) to be clear, there is nothing literal about each ten in 10-10-10. The first 10 basically stands for “right now” — as in, one minute, one hour, or one week. The second 10 represents that point in the foreseeable future when the initial reaction to your decision has passed but its consequences continue to play out in ways you can reasonably predict. And the third 10 stands for a time in a future that is so far off that its particulars are entirely vague."
There is not a perfect decision-making process. As you saw from the video, Mrs. Welch has made some not so good decisions since coming up with this method. It is extremely helpful though, to explore different methods and tools that can help us in making decisions big and small when the time comes...so we wont have to make decisions out of fear, guilt, stress or wait until we are cornered against a wall.
We should make our choices, big and small based on what is important to us, on our values, on what we want our life to look like 10 minutes from now, 10 months from now and 10 years from now.
Making mistakes in our decision making process is also ok. We are not perfect. We just need to learn the lessons from our "misses", take what responsibility is ours and move on.
Hope you can place this 10-10-10 decision making tool in your recovery tool box and that it comes in handy in 10 minutes, 10 months or 10 years.
"If you think about it, the Wizard of Oz is really about the Serenity Prayer. The tin man wants a heart to be able to love the things he can't change; the lion, some courage to change the things he can; and the scarecrow, a brain with which to know the difference...."
How about you? Are there things in your life you can't change and need to learn to love and accept? Are there things you can change, and like the lion, you need some courage to make them happen? Do you need more wisdom to know the difference?
David, a friend from work, shared a super powerful reading with me this morning and I wanted to share it with you all today. What recovery/life lessons can we learn from the story of Passover? Read on to find out...
In each one of us there is an Egypt and a Pharaoh and a Moses and Freedom in a Promised Land. And every point in time is an opportunity for another Exodus.
Egypt is a place that chains you to who you are, constraining you from growth and change. And Pharaoh is that voice inside that mocks your gambit to escape, saying, "How could you attempt being today something you were not yesterday? Aren't you good enough just as you are? Don't you know who you are?"
Moses is the liberator, the infinite force deep within, an impetuous and all-powerful drive to break out from any bondage, to always transcend, to connect with that which has no bounds.
But Freedom and the Promised Land are not static elements that lie in wait. They are your own achievements which you may create at any moment, in any thing that you do, simply by breaking free from whoever you were the day before.
Last Passover you may not have yet begun to light a candle (...)This year, defy Pharaoh and light up your world. With unbounded light.
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May the story of passover be a reminder that every day is a chance for another Exodus. We can break free of people, places, and ways of thinking that hold us in bondage and live the life we were meant to live.
American Idol contestants where asked about their favorite quotes. Here are some of the ones that made me go wow!!what a simple yet great reminder!! I've heard American Idol is an extremely fast-paced, high-pressure experience. These quotes are probably small insights into the kind of thinking that keeps them going week after week....
Danny Gokey "Unshakable faith is faith that has been shaken."
Kris Allen We would accomplish many more things if we did not think of them as impossible. ~ Vince Lombardi
Matt Giraud You are your own worst critic.
What are some of the thoughts that keep you going week after week, day after day, when things get tough....?
This sounds like a sad quote, a rather dark quote but it is actually a super powerful, hopeful insightful quote!!!! I gotta be honest, this is something I struggle with sometimes. Even though I am not the extreme perfectionist I used to be and I have learned to accept that I am not perfect and that it is ok to make mistakes, I sometimes put all the mistakes from my past together in a big pile and think that "monster" is going to be my future.
Believing that our past mistakes define our future can seem very real but is as make-believe and silly as Disney Monsters. Truth is, they can become our future if we let them, but it is our choice.
I always say this, but sometimes forget to apply it to my own life: Our future does not have to be an extension of our past.
The mistakes we have made are in the past. All we can do is learn the lessons from them and move on.
Our mistakes don't belong in a big heap in front of us. They are NOT our destiny. They belong in the past. Every day is a blank slate. Every day, we can begin again.
Let me say this in the first person tonight since it is something I am working on:
"My mistakes do not belong in a big heap in front of me. They are NOTmy destiny. They belong in the past. Every day is a blank slate. Every day, I can begin again."
Can you say these words today? It is ok if you don't believe them yet. It's a powerful and promising affirmation/lesson to learn.
So I am a big American Idol fan. Here goes my second American Idol post of the season. My favorites this season areAdam, Danny and Kris. There is another contestant that, though not in the competition anymore, is sure to do great things.
Michael Sarver was voted off last week. Driving to work several days ago, I heard an interview of him on The Today Show. As soon as I heard his response, I knew I wanted to share it with you all.
Here it is:
Anne Curry: You're moving into a new world.... Where do you think it is going to take you?
Michael: There's no limitations. I believe the only reason that I can't succeed at "this thing" is if I quit, and since I am not a quitter, I should be ok.
**********************
So what is "this thing" for you? Is it getting through your meal plan today? Is it taking sobriety maybe one hour at a time for now? Is it change coming your way whether you were expecting it or not?
Next time you are going through a rough time, think of Michael's words. Thanks for your words of courage Michael. Best wishes in your career and in everything you do!!!
This is the closing we used to end the group tonight...
From this point on
It's easy to think of yourself as the person you have been. Yet it is far more powerful to see yourself as the person you can become.
The mistakes and disappointments of the past may seem to be a major presence in your life. At this very moment, however, you can choose to leave them completely behind.
From this point on, your life is up to you. In each and every moment that is to come, you are free to choose your thoughts, your feelings, your actions and your attitude.
Consider the possibilities. Think about what could happen if the limitations you thought were there, were not really there at all.
Reach deep within yourself and connect your thoughts to the things that truly matter. Then imagine expressing those treasured values with the way you live each moment.
Beginning now, you can live with the richness and profound purpose that you know is right for you. From this point on, your life is yours to choose.
YODA: Careful you must be when sensing the future, Anakin. The fear of loss is a path to the dark side.
ANAKIN: I won’t let my visions come true, Master Yoda. (...) What must I do, Master?
YODA: Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.
~ Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
I really like the wisdom Yoda shares with Anakin. Constantly worrying about what we might lose and what might go wrong in the future can paralyze us and keep us from moving forward. We only have today. The future is not yet here. With faith and perseverance, we can plan for the future and welcome it one day at a time. It does no good to fear it.
Loss and change are an inevitable part of life. We can't prevent loss and change, but we can learn healthy ways of coping, walking through, living, persevering, and growing thanks to the lessons learned along the way.
I have a very long commute to work every day. I listen to the radio on my way there and back. In the afternoon, I usually catch The Ellen Degeneres Show.
Yesterday, Ellen interviewed MC Hammer and I absolutely LOVED his response to her question of appreciating life more when you have lost "everything"....
Here is the beginning of the interview, and also the video (she asks the question 2 minutes and 10 seconds into the interview). He also sends a message to those hurting in this current economic crisis (at minute 3:58 of interview)
...I think his words apply to getting through tough times and, in life, we all go through them...
Ellen: So life is good for you now, you would say?
MC Hammer: I would say it's excellent, yes, pretty good...
Ellen: ...and do you appreciate now the fall? I mean, I had the same situation happen to me, I don't know about the same degree but I think you can really appreciate life more when you have.....when you lose everything....
Check out Hammer Time's response in the video below.....
Thanks "Hammer Time" for those words of wisdom and thank you Ellen for the thoughtful compassionate question that brought about this response....It came at a perfect time for me and it is giving me strength as I see the effects of recession so close to me and to many....
Next time you are faced with the question, possibility or thought that you have lost or may lose everything, think of MC's words....
I subscribe to Today's Gift from Hazelden. This is one of my recent favorite daily reflections and I wanted to share t with you..
Today I will be grateful for where I am now.
My life might not be perfect, and I might not have achieved the goals I thought I would have by now -- I might not be living the kind of life I thought I would be or want to be, but I'm grateful for this day, right now, and the fact that I've made a commitment to myself to live a life in which I'm treated with respect and dignity.
I will use this day as a gift, one that I've given myself because I deserve it. I will use this day to be glad for all I've accomplished.
I'm deserving, worthy, and valuable.
I'm a lovable person, and today I thank the person who helped me understand this.
Around this time of year, you will usually see my obligatory American Idol posts. Here is my first American Idol post of 2009.
I have a confession to make: I like country music :-) Well, not the really, really country stuff....but I do like country music (for example: Keith Urban, Carrie Underwood, Rascal Flatts). I love songs that tell a story and with inspiring lyrics. Last night, watching American Idol, I stopped and listened to the lyrics of the Carrie Underwood song "So Small" and I immediately thought of posting it on the blog.
The official video is actually awesome. Make sure to watch it by clicking HERE. It is not available for blog posting.
Here is another video of the song and the lyrics.
Tonight, I stopped and listened to a song that I had listened to many times but never paid close attention to the message/lesson in its words. Is there a message in your life that you might need to pay closer attention to?
Carrie Underwood So Small Lyrics: Yeah, Yeah
[Verse 1] What you got if you ain't got love the kind that you just want to give away It's okay to open up go ahead and let the light shine through I know it's hard on a rainy day you want to shut the world out and just be left alone But don't run out on your faith
[Chorus] 'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand What you've been up there searching for forever is in your hands When you figure out love is all that matters after all It sure makes everything else seem so small
[Verse 2] It's so easy to get lost inside a problem that seems so big at the time it's like a river thats so wide it swallows you whole While you sit around thinking about what you can't change and worrying about all the wrong things time's flying by moving so fast you better make it count 'cause you can't get it back
[Chorus] Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand What you've been up there searching for forever is in your hands When you figure out love is all that matters after all It sure makes everything else Seem so small
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