The Happiness ED Promised

Before we set our hearts too much upon anything, let us examine how happy those are who already possess it.

~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680)

Every time I see a scale I remember the days of my scale obsession. When I was sick, the scale I had ended up breaking from the obsessive use I gave it.

I remember thinking....If I could just loose more weight, I would be happy, everything would be alright. But of course, the number was never low enough and the happiness I was waiting for never came.

Depression, anxiety, fear, isolation, obsession, insomnia, hair loss, dizziness, chest pains, exhaustion....I know I don't want to go back there. I was miserable.

It is my choice to continue to do what works for me so I can be healthy and happy.

How about you? Is your eating disorder (ED) giving you the happiness it promised? Be honest.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Quote for Today

One forgives to the degree that one loves.
~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680)

Forgiving ourselves does not mean that our behavior was ok...it just means we are letting go and no longer holding a grudge against ourselves.

Today, I will forgive myself.

source: http://www.hazelden.org/

< gaining > & embracing fear

These are the books currently on my reading list:

gaining:
the truth about life after eating disorders by Aimee Liu
I just started this one. On page 30. I am hooked ... reading carefully, and slowly. Full of research, facts and interviews with specialists as well as former anorexics and bulimics. Aimee chronicles the story of her relapse decades after conquering ED for the first time in her adolescence...what an interesting journey so far! Achieving and maintaining healthy weight is, to many, the definition and end of eating disorder recovery.
In gaining....Amy brilliantly explains, how it is just the beginning.



Embracing Fear: How to Turn What Scares Us into Our Greatest Gift by Thom Rutledge
this one is next on my list. can't wait to start it! here is the description from amazon.com:

"Combining compelling stories from the author's twenty-five-year practice, examples from his own struggles with addiction and depression, and practical exercises and tools, Embracing Fear does not pretend to teach the impossible and eliminate fear, but rather shows us that once we understand it we can live beyond its tyrannical control. Instead of repressing or ignoring the voices of panic and dread, we learn that it is only through Facing, Exploring, Accepting, and Responding to fear that we free ourselves from its paralyzing grip."

********************

...look forward to sharing insights as I read.

make it a great week!

Lily

Expressing the Voice Within: Images of Eating Disorders - Art Exhibit

Hi all,

The Renfrew Center will be sponsoring an art exhibition at the Coral Springs Museum of Art. A collection of artwork created by women struggling and in recovery from EDs. Tickets are $25.00 per person (tax deductible). Ticket sales from this fundraising event to benefit patient treatment scholarships.

Here is the info:

When:
May 20-June 16, 2008

Opening Reception May 22, 2008 at 7pm (please see RSVP instructions below)

Where:
Coral Springs Museum of Art
The Lobby Gallery
2855 Coral Springs Drive
Coral Springs, FL 33065

Time:
10am-5pm daily

More Information:
To RSVP for the opening or for more information, please contact:
Karen Polin, BFA, ATR, Clinical Art Therapist, The Renfrew Center of Florida, at 954-698-9222 x 2077 or e-mail at kpolin@renfrewcenter.com .

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Lily

Blame

Watching this new Mac vs. PC commercial got me thinking about blame....

Blaming yourself or others does nothing to change YOU.

Blaming yourself or others does nothing to change your circumstances.

Blaming yourself or others keeps you focused on the past.

Blaming yourself or others keeps you in negative thinking patterns.

Learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself and others, accept what responsibility is yours and move on!

This clip is actually pretty funny. Enjoy!



peace, hope and love,

Lily

Resources for Parents

Hi all,
Here are a couple or resources for Parents of Children with Eating Disorders...

The Parent's Guide to Eating Disorders by Marica Herrin EdD, MPH, RD, LD and Nancy Matsumoto , winner of a National Parenting Publiciations Awards (NAPPA) Honors Award (sponsored by www.parenthood.com)
Marcia and Nancy have a blog on their website! You can visit their blog by clicking HERE , and check out their book HERE.



Visit the Andrea's Voice Foundation. It is a website dedicated to providing information and support to parents of children with eating disorders.
This website/foundation was started by Doris and Tom Smeltzer in memory of their daughter, Andrea Lynn Smeltzer, who lost her battle with bulimia at age 19.

Doris Smeltzer has a blog. You can visit her blog by clicking HERE.



Nancy, thank you very much for visiting our blog and providing us with information about your book, website , and blog and for all you are doing to provide resources, education, help, hope and encouragement to Parents of Children with Eating Disorders.

Recovery is possible!

peace, hope and love,

Lily

The Quote on Heather's Blog

One of my favorite blogg(hers), Heather Palacios posted a pretty awesome quote that reminded me of our topic for this weekend. Here is the quote:

"I cannot give you the formula for success,

but I can give you the formula for failure:

which is:

Try to please everybody."

~ Herbert B. Swope

This weekend, we will be talking about healthy boundaries.

Look forward to seeing you all this Sunday at 7:00 PM at our regular meeting place, Flamingo Road Church, on the corner of Flamingo Road and Stirling Road (Room 127 in the main auditorium building).

Shout Out to Heat(her): Thanks Heat(her) for the awesome quote!!! Your blog is an inspiration and one of my daily reads. You can check out Heather's blog Lead(Her)ship by clicking HERE.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Free Eating Disorder Recovery Info / Articles

Hi all,
The following is a great link for eating disorder recovery resources.
Gurze Books has numerous articles on different aspects of ED prevention, information, treatment, recovery, etc.

Topics include: General information on eating disorders, help for families, recovery tips, treatment, eating disorders in youth, eating disorders in males, eating disorders in athletes, book excerpts, nutrition, and other related articles.

Click HERE to go to the Gurze Books free articles main page.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

VH1 Public Service Announcement

I really like this VH1 Public Service Announcement on giving people with addictions a voice. Even though it refers to drug and alcohol abuse, I think it applies to ED too. It is an honor for Nikki and I to give you a safe place where you can connect, find support and use your voices and not your symptoms to share where you are at, and where you would like to be on your road to recovery.

video.vh1.com

peace, hope and love,

Lily

On Being A Good Listener

I had actually been wondering lately what it is that my friends have in common (aside from the fact that they are great people of course). There was something I couldn't quite put my finger on but I felt was there...was it that they are older than me? type A personalities? very outgoing? people that I have worked for/with? that wasn't quite it!!!

Today, someone I trust helped me find the answer and the likely reason behind it.... (Thank you L and Happy Birthday again!)

One thing my friends have in common...they are all extroverts and love to talk, and I am the good listener, the shoulder, the sounding board, the quiet one, on some occasions the advice giver....

...nothing really wrong with that, I find them very entertaining and they complement my introversion....but get this (what I got this afternoon).....I also find them very SAFE, cause if they are talking about themselves, their days, their lives, what they are thinking, what they did, what they are gonna do....guess what I don't have to do? Let them into my world and talk about ME!

What would it be like for me to let people into my world? My assignment in the next several weeks is to find out. What would it be like for you to let people into your world?

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Lesson from Baby Jonah

Here is one of the most recent pictures of my nephew Jonah. He will be 9 months old next week. This week, his new thing is standing up with support.

Reminds me of what I posted 3 months ago when he was sitting with support:

It is ok to get extra support if we need it. No need to feel embarrassed, sad or ashamed. It it just extra help that gives us what we need until we are ready to stand on our own.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Living without frustration

source: http://greatday.com/motivate/051013.html

Living without frustration
+++++++++++++++++++

It may seem that outside events and conditions are what cause
frustration. But those outside circumstances are merely
excuses, and do not actually create the frustration.

The frustration you experience is created by you.
It cannot exist without your support.

Your frustration is a choice. And just as easily as you can
choose to experience it, you can also choose to let it go.

Remember that the next time you feel frustrated. Remember
that it does not have to be.

Frustration blinds you to the best possibilities, and puts
valuable resources out of your reach. There is no question
that you’ll be far more effective without that frustration.

So when you find yourself frustrated, choose right then and
there to raise your awareness to a higher level. See how
useless and unnecessary that frustration really is.

Then let it go, and free yourself to move quickly ahead.

~ Ralph Marston

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It is a choice, something we can learn to do. Hey, I am not saying we can be totally frustration free. Sometimes we get frustrated, it is a part of life, we just don't have to make it a way of life.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

On Psychological Pain and Broken Ankles

"Making major decisions is an inescapable part of the process of living. Dissonance—the psychological pain that accompanies many of these decisions—is a natural and useful signal that the decision in question involves a difficult and complex assessment of the involved values."

~ Douglas Lisle, PhD , Reducing the Stress of Making Major Decisions

*************************
My thoughts on this:

In this article, Douglas Lisle, PhD compares the psychological pain that accompanies major decisions to other types of signals we receive from our body, such as the physical pain caused by a broken ankle.

In the simplest of terms, physical pain is a signal that tells our body "Hey - there is something not quite right here, we need to stop, rest, take care of ourselves, look for professional help, use some additional support, learn new ways of doing things, while we are healing...until we are ready to stand on our own again". If we keep moving, and ignore the pain, we will most likely end up causing more damage.

The same goes for psychological pain. It is a signal that ""Hey - there is something not quite right here, we need to stop, rest, take care of ourselves, look for professional help, use some additional support, learn new ways of doing things, while we are healing...until we are ready to stand on our own again".

If we keep moving, and ignore the pain, without dealing with it, we will most likely end up causing more damage, and our only other option is to mask (numb) the pain through temporary fixes, addictions, self destructive behaviors, etc.

This reminds me of something I read last night: "...those feelings will alert you to the fact that it’s time to wake up!! You’re believing your thoughts before you’ve even questioned them. That’s what stressful feelings are for—they’re a gift, they’re not an enemy...."

peace, hope and love,

Lily

The Superman Quote

"What I do is based on powers we all have inside us; the ability to endure; the ability to love, to carry on, to make the best of what we have – and you don’t have to be a ‘Superman’ to do it."

~ Christopher Reeve , 1952 - 2004

Victim Thinking Vs. Non-Victim Thinking

"Victim thinking is defining ourselves by what happens to us, the cards we are dealt by forces beyond us, and that non-victim thinking is understanding that we are ultimately defined, not by what happens to us, but how we respond to what happens."

~ Thom Rutledge, The Secret Antidote , Life Without Ed


Thom goes on to give some examples of non-victim thinking and the fact that we are defined by how we respond to what happens to us. These were my two favorite examples. You can check out their websites by clicking on their names: Christopher Reeve , Michael J. Fox .

Great reminders, not only of how much we have to be thankful for, but that we can persevere, overcome adversity and have a happy, meaningful life. The choice is ours.

peace, hope and love

Lily

The Easter Message and The Fortune Cookie

Now is the time to try something new.
~ The fortune cookie at Stir Crazy

The other day I blogged about how sometimes I have a hard time blogging and that I should blog/write from my experiences. So here I go, this weekend I went to Stir Crazy and to Church so I will blog about Stir Crazy and Church :-)

I don't believe in fortune cookies, luck, karma or anything like that...but I LOVED the challenge in this fortune cookie I got at Stir Crazy in Pembroke Pines.

This weekend, at my church, we celebrated Easter. Pastor Troy talked about how, in order to expect miracles (change, transformation, in our lives, our health, our relationships, our finances, our recovery, etc) we have to take action, take steps towards X, Y, Z, believe it is possible, and God will engage, things will happen. Sometimes we put ourselves and God in a box and ask/define/expect for the one way we think things should work out....and since we are so intent in expecting things to turn out in that one way, we might be missing the small, unexpected miracles, blessings, and opportunities that may be right in front of our eyes...

Somewhere along the line, something happened and our hope for a healthy, full, balanced life life just faded away, and we buried it a long with our dreams...Easter is a great reminder of many things . It is and important part of my faith. One of those reminders, which I thought was very cool and I wanted to share was that it is possible for us to resurrect our hope, our dreams...what we thought one day our life could be...it is not too late!

Be willing to expect the unexpected, and after all you have gone through, you might realize that even though your life might not turn out just how you expected it to be and life knocks you off your feet...when you eventually get back up, even though things are different, you will probably end up in a better place than where you used to be....

Peace, Hope and Love,

Lily

Unbroken

Here is another iMovie I made and posted on YouTube. So I am a big American Idol fan. Jessica Sierra, that co-wrote and performs this song, was one of the top ten finalists in American Idol Season 5. Jessica recently appeared in a show called Celebrity Rehab on VH1. After Celebrity Rehab, Jessica violated her probation and is now back in rehab for a 12 month court mandated stay.

This is Jessica's song. It sounds like, even though a bit ambivalent, she does want a better life. The lyrics talk about how she sees herself and how she would like to be. I hope that Jessica, by following her recovery plan, will one day get to be, much more than just "Unbroken"....and have a full, whole, healthy and happy life....Click on the triangle in the middle of the square to listen to the song.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

On Blogging and a Balanced Life

Sometimes I have a hard time finding what to blog about. I'll sit in front of the computer screen and....Nothing!!! Many people say: write from what you know, write from your experiences, etc., etc., etc.

I just realized something and I have to be honest. I have been walking through my days lately on automatic pilot.

Work...Home...Work...Home....Work...Home.....over and over again with not much in between other than TV and reading.

I have read and know from past experience that one of the secrets to happiness is multi-dimensional living (meaning/purpose/faith, relationships and health being three of those dimensions).

As Simon Cowell would say in his British accent "If I'm being completely honest with you..." I haven't been doing much to grow in those areas lately.

Reminds me of Jeffrey Jabick's presentation late last year on self-esteem and the parts of the self. All healthy living things grow:

• Physically
• Emotionally
• Spiritually
• Cognitively
• Socially

If you are in the beginning stages of recovery, you might not be at a point where you even have the energy to work on some of these areas yet. The thing is, if we stop growing in any of all of these areas, we leave a void in our lives that we might be tempted to fill in with the wrong things...

As far as the hard time I have blogging sometimes, I think in part it is because I have not been living a very balanced life lately. I need to be growing physically, emotionally, spiritually, cognitively, socially so I can draw from those experiences...but most importantly so I can be happy, blanced and enjoy life to the fullest.

So I am going to be "completely honest" and say that I know I can name things I should be doing in each of these areas. How about you?

peace, hope and love,

Lily

The Eating Disorder Voice

Some call it the negative mind, some call it the voice, some call it Ed (short for Eating Disorder)...
According to Terence J.Sandbeck, PH.D. author of The Deadly Diet - Recovering from Anorexia and Bulimia:

"The Voice is the accumulation of all of the negative, destructive, worrisome thinking that you've ever been exposed to in your entire life. "

We all have The Voice, it is just human nature, but for some of us, it can become a destructive, painful part of our lives that controls us and leads us to the depths of anxiety, depression, addiction, eating disorders and other forms of self destructive behaviors.
During tonight's group, we discussed common messages that our Eating Disorder Voice tells us (you are not good enough, you are a failure, you must never show weakness, change is awful, working on my problems is scary, etc.).

Here are some ways in which these messages are flawed and untrue (McKay, Davis and Fanning)

1. Filtering: the voice takes negative details and magnifies them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation.

2. Polarized Thinking: the voice tells you that things are black and white. you are either perfect or you are a failure.

3. Overgeneralization: the voice insists on a general conclusion based on a single incident or piece of evidence.

4. Mind Reading: the voice tell you what people are feeling and why they act the way they do.

5. Catastrophizing: the voice convinces you that disaster is imminent. You think the worst will happen and you underestimate your ability to cope.

6. Personalization: the voice convinces you that everything others do or say is some kind of reaction to you.

7. Control Fallacies: since the voice controls your life, you see yourself as a helpless victim of your circumstances.

8. Fallacy of Fairness: the vice makes you feel resentful. Thinking the world should be fair, and everything should be perfect.

9. Blaming: the voice gets you to either hold other people responsible or blame yourself for all of the problems in your life.

10. Shoulds: the voice gives you a list of iron-clad rules on how you and other people should act.

11. Emotional Reasoning: the voice has convinced you that what you feel must be true. For example: I feel fat, and therefore I must be fat. I feel like a failure, therefore I am a failure.

12. Global Labeling: the voice generalizes one or two qualities into a negative global judgment. For example, my boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with me, so I am unlovable.

**************
See if you can practice recognizing the flaws above in the messages you receive from your Eating Disorder Voice.

Remember, recovery is possible!! You don't have to do recovery alone and you do not have to do life alone.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Learned Helplessness Part II - Dr. Charisse Nixon

Learned Helplesness Part I

I have been reading up on something called Learned Helplessness. Learned Helplessness is linked to depression. Here is a definition I found online:

********************

Learned helplessness is a psychological condition in which a human being or an animal has learned to believe that it is helpless in a particular situation. It has come to believe that it has no control over its situation and that whatever it does is futile. As a result, the human being or the animal will stay passive in the face of an unpleasant, harmful or damaging situation, even when it does actually have the power to change its circumstances.

source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness

********************

more on this later.

Lily

It won't work so why try it?

I have lived in Florida for 14 plus years. I have worked for most of those 14 years and have had to commute in the awful Florida traffic. Many people I know, over the years, have often suggested that I try books on cd. I always dismissed it, saying "I won't like it!", "I'll hate it", "It won't work!", "It works for others but not for me", "why even try?"

...so many times I said that to others and to myself, that I actually completely believed it and accepted it as fact. I was totally convinced that it would not work out.

So about a month ago, someone gave me a book on cd, and guess what? I loved it. Not just the book but the whole experience of it. I have gone through several books on cd during the last month, and I am really enjoying my commute now.

So this got me thinking...What else have I not tried because I have convinced myself it won't work out....without even trying? Is it possible that I am missing out on something good? I can think of a couple things I want to try. How about you?

peace, hope and love,

Lily

I'm Free

The power in you is greater than your addictions. But you've got to change your attitude. You've got to start saying, "I'm free." Declare that every day. Don't talk about the way you are, talk about the way you want to be.

~ Joel Osteen, Become a Better You

Thought for Today

Looking at this picture of my baby nephew Jonah and his dog Ike, I think to myself: Remember to enjoy the simple things...there is so much we take for granted! There is not much we really need to be happy and we can always find something to be thankful for...


peace, hope and love,

Lily

Tips For Promoting Effective Change

Thanks so much to Jeffrey Jabick, LMHC from Professional Toolbox Consultants for his presentation last night at our support group meeting.

Jeff spoke about natural barriers to change and tips for promoting effective change.

*******************************
Here are the tips for promoting effective change that we discussed last night:

1. State your goal in the "affirmative".

2. Make sure that your goal is behavioral in nature.

3. Be specific (how, when, where, how often, how much).

4. Identify how achieving your goal will benefit you.

5. Be aware of potential consequences and/or "costs".

6. Make sure that your goal is realistic.

7. Remember that change is often difficult and uncomfortable.

8. Write down your goal.

9. Share your goal with family and friends.

10. Monitor your progress.

11. Remember: "Progress not perfection"

*******************************
As usual, thank you so much as well for giving generously of your time to answer questions one on one after your presentation.

'til next time,

Lily
ANAD Broward County Chapter