On Making Mistakes

"Today I accept the fact that I have made mistakes.

I find comfort in knowing that, in the past, I did what I thought was right at the time. What makes my mistakes seem so bad is that I judge them by what I know today. I know more than I did then, and less than I will tomorrow.

I accept myself for who I was then and for who I am today."

source: Judith R. Smith

The Time of My Life

Hi All,
I am a big American Idol fan and finally, this year, my idol favorite won (go David Cook!!!) But I digress..... I love music. I am all about the lyrics of a song. This year's winning song, I think, has great lyrics. It is called The Time of My Life.

The song just reminds me that THIS is the day that we have. TODAY is all we have. We do not have yesterday, and we do not have tomorrow. I don't have to be a face in the crowd, but TODAY I can be ME.

Here is the song.

Remember to treasure your TODAYs.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

The Super Awesone Quote

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.
~ Victor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning


peace, hope and love,

Lily

On Anger Part I

This is one of my favorite Hazelden Daily reflection emails I have received since I subscribe to their newsletter.

**************************

Anger helps straighten out a problem like a fan helps straighten out a pile of papers.
--Susan Marcotte

Some of us have temper tantrums. Like black clouds, we threaten an outburst at any moment. Other people learn to check us out for storm warnings. They want time to clear out or at least to put on a protective covering. We've caught them by surprise before, and they didn't like it. Now they've learned to watch out - to stay on their toes when we're around. Intimidating people, making them glad when we're not around so they can relax, is a poor way to relate to others.

And what do the outbursts do for us? Is there a cheap sense of power or control for a few minutes? Are we advertising to the world that we're short on coping skills? Or do we tell ourselves that letting off steam is necessary once in a while, conveniently forgetting the steam blasting in other people's faces?

************************

Anger is not a primary emotion, it is a secondary emotion. This means that there is something else (primary emotion) that we feel before we feel angry. People might be feeling: afraid, attacked, offended, disrespected, forced, trapped, or pressured. Secondary emotions do not identify the unmet emotional need (UEN). When all someone says is "I feel angry," it is hard for others to identify a way to help him or her. It is helpful to try to always identify the primary emotion.

source: http://eqi.org/anger.htm

Lesson from Baby Jonah

Here is the latest lesson from baby Jonah (my nephew). Jonah walked for the first time this weekend. He is now officially taking steps with support. This reminds me of what I wrote when he was first sitting with support and then standing with support:

It is ok to get extra support if we need it. No need to feel embarrassed, sad or ashamed. It it just extra help that gives us what we need until we are ready to stand on our own.

So many times we add all of this meaning to our support systems/treatment plan (therapy appointments, medication, meal plans, residential treatment, out-patient care....). We make it mean that we are not good enough, broken, need a crutch, etc. But that is not it at all...Our support system is just what we need, in this moment, until we are ready to stand on our own. What would it be like for you to just accept the support from those trained to help you, and those that care about you?...without judging yourself, without bringing yourself down for the very things that are there to give you the support you need?

Here is Jonah's example....click to watch the video...




peace, hope and love,

Lily

Our Blogroll

Make sure to check out our blogroll (list of blogs on the right hand side of this page) for some great reads. I was just reading some posts from Aimee Liu's blog Life After Recovery. You can read Aimee's blog by clicking HERE. Two of my recent favorites from her blog are the posts titled "On Becoming a Professional" and "Love, To Live".

Make it a great week.

Lily

Reporting from Inside Your Head

It is so exhausting to worry all the time isn't it, to have your mind full of racing thoughts that seem to be chasing you and at the same time you chase but can never catch. Here is something I read the other day....

It helps to stop, and think of your problems as a reporter writing a story (you can write down what worries you if it helps and then share it with your support system).

Try breaking down your problems/worries into smaller pieces, like this....ask yourself:

The person involved (Who)

Time and setting (When/Where)

What bothers you about the situation (What)

How you usually respond or not (How)

What fears you have about consequences of being assertive in this situation (Fears)

Your behavior goal (Goal)

Who can help you reach this goal (Who)

Is there a step I can take right now towards this behavior goal? (Steps)

******************

I used to worry all the time and was chased and chased my racing thoughts incessantly in my head. I remember a therapist once told me: "Schedule time to worry!" and after that, put it away and do something for yourself. I try to do that as much as I can now.

Have a great weekend.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Thought for Today

Today, I take a small step forward on my journey, without judging myself or my rate of progress.

source: http://www.hazelden.org/

daily motivation - Today's Gift (05/13/08)

If at First You Don't Succeed Part II

It took Thomas Edison 1,000 tries before he invented the light bulb....



"I didn't fail 1,000 times," he told a reporter. "The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps."

~ Thomas Edison

*****************************

if you have not succeeded at recovery yet, or in your relationships, work, school, finances, whatever area it might be....why not consider it just another step towards reaching your goal?

So next time you turn on the light, think of this awesome lesson in perseverance from Thomas Edison.

Make it a great week.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Horses Helping Heal Eating Disorders

I read a very interesting article about Equine Therapy in Eating Disorder Treatment. Aimee Liu also talks about the use of horses in eating disorder programs in her book Gaining. Here is what I learned:

Horses, as animals of prey, are "extremely sensitive to fear, stress and confusion" in those that handle them. To calm a horse, the handler must become "calm and focused". Clients need to express themselves and they cannot hide how they are feeling.

Clients are given exercises were they have to persuade horses to do certain tasks without speaking.

If handlers move to quickly, impulsively, erratically, impatiently, or in a rush, the horse can become distressed, scared and not respond. And, in contrast, as in the case with many restrictive anorexics, if their approach to the horse is "too quiet and timid" the horse will not respond at all.

The relationship between the horse and these patients helps them experience unconditional acceptance (horses will not judge, criticize) and at the same time will help clients safely experience relationships, interactions and situations that, as Aimee Liu says, are far from perfect and unpredictable, just as life is far from perfect and unpredictable.

According to Carolyn Costin, the only way clients can complete exercises in Equine Therapy, is by "slowing down, paying attention to what they are thinking, how they are moving, and what they are feeling".

*****************************

So if you were to ride a horse right now, how do you think it would respond? What would it sense from you?

peace, hope and love,

Lily

On Balance

Balance is not something you reach. It is something you do every day.
~ Bueller
*************************
What can you do different today so you can have more balance in your life? I have had a tough/long week at work, so I am thinking of some things I can do to make sure I keep my life balanced. How about you?

peace, hope, and love

Lily

If at First You Don't Succeed Part I

I read a great article in the Wall Street Journal last week called "If at First You Don't Succeed, You're In Excellent Company"

Here is a list of well known people listed in the article that failed, were rejected (some numerous times) but did not give up...pretty amazing!!

The Beatles: Decca Records turned down a contract with the Beatles, saying "Groups of guitars are on their way out."

Walt Disney: was fired by a newspaper editor who said "he lacked imagination and had no good ideas."

J.K. Rowling: J.K. Rowling's first book about a boy wizard named Harry Potter was rejected by 12 publishers before Bloomsbury, a small London publishing house, picked it up.

Louisa May Alcott: author of "Little Women," was encouraged to find work as a servant by her family.

Michael Jordan: was cut from his high school varsity basketball team sophomore year.

Dr. Seuss: Twenty-seven publishers rejected Theodor Seuss (Dr. Seuss) Geisel's first book, "To Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street."

Julie Andrews: "She's not photogenic enough" was the final determination of Julie Andrews's screen test for MGM when she was 12 years old.

Author Jack London: received 600 rejection slips before he published his first story.

Babe Ruth: is known for his home run record, but for decades he also held the record for strikeouts. He hit 714 home runs and struck out 1,330 times in his career. "Every strike brings me closer to the next home run," he said.

Winston Churchill: repeated a grade during elementary school. Later, he twice failed the entrance exam to the Royal Military Academy at Sandhurst. He was defeated in his first effort to serve in Parliament.

According to the Oxford American Dictionary, to fail is to be unsuccessful in achieving one's goal. That is all it is. We tend to generalize failure to our entire existence and make it mean that our life is a failure. Not true. We just need to work through it, learn from what did and didn't work, adjust our strategy and goal if needed, and keep going.

So, if at first you don't succeed, you are in excellent company!

peace, hope and love,

Lily

On the Benefits of Laughing

I just read that laughing helps with muscle relaxation, reduces stress hormones, enhances the immune system, aids in pain reduction, contributes to cardiac conditioning, seems to help prevent hypertension and results in a cleansing effect similar to deep breathing exercises.

Do you sometimes get bogged down in the every day and forget to enjoy the simple things? I know I do. This video made me laugh yesterday and I wanted to share it with all of you...Here is to remembering to laugh, be happy and appreciate the simple things in life...Enjoy!



You can read the entire article by clicking HERE.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Letting Go

"If addiction is about control, recovery is about letting go.

If addiction is about denial, recovery is about accepting what is.

Life is so full of twists and turns; it's easier to follow along than to try to straighten them out. It's easier to have fewer expectations because, after all, we have no control over the future or the present."

How can you practice letting go?

source: Day by Day Second Edition

Enchanted Now Available on DVD

Hi all,
I saw the movie Enchanted back in November and it is now available on DVD. I am re-posting the movie review I wrote along with the youtube trailer. Make sure to watch the youtube video trailer at the end of this post.

********************
Enchanted is the story of a traditional fairytale princess named Giselle that is sent to the real world (New York City). Reviewers are recognizing Disney for making fun of the traditional trademark storyline and stereotypes that have made their movies famous.

Enchanted is a fun reminder that a story book life would not be practical in real life....the big dresses would not fit through the doorways, if you made a dress out of curtains you end up with holes in the curtains, people don't spontaneously break out into song in the middle of a sentence, if you called your animal friends to help tidy the house, rats and roaches might come too....

And even though it is a traditional "fish out of water" tale and Giselle seems to not fit in, she still manages to not shrink back in the face of the tough reality of New York City. Giselle keeps her sense of wonder in the simple things, her kindness, empathy, optimism, hope, and also makes a positive difference in the tough reality she lives in.

Though it has a slightly predictable Hollywood ending with a twist, there are still lessons to be learned...

Many times we suffer because we wish things were different than they are. What is your New York City? What part of your storybook fairytale do you have to let go of because it is not working in reality? What qualities can you keep? Are you waiting for someone to rescue you? How can you make the most of the life you have?

Here is the trailer...


peace, hope and love,

Lily

Quote for Today

We cannot change our memories, but we can change their meaning and the power they have over us.

~ Dr. David Seamands

Lesson from Baby Jonah

Not sure if you can tell by the pictures, but my baby nephew Jonah has a band-aid on his forehead.

At 9 and 1/2 months, he can now crawl very fast and also stand on his own. This past weekend, he accidentally slipped and bumped his head on the way down. Seeing his first picture with a band-aid got me thinking...

1) In order to change and grow, we have to take risks...and we might get hurt.

2) If we fall, it is ok to ask for help.

3) It is ok to cry and be sad for a while.

4) It is important to take care of the wound, not just hide it behind a band-aid, because it will not heal properly.

5) It is ok to rest and and re-gain our strength before we keep going.

6) We can't give up, we can't sit out of life forever!

7) Sooner or later, it is time to get back on our feet, learn from what happened, an keep growing, changing and living.

Thanks for your simple yet powerful lesson in courage little one!

...for reminding us that we can get back on our feet after we've fallen!


peace, hope and love,

Lily

The Laws of Perfection Part II

I would try to be perfect. It was safer there.

~ Jane Fonda, My Life So Far



This quote introduces the chapter The Laws of Perfection in Aimee Liu's book Gaining.***

There is an illusion of safety and control in perfectionism. But it comes with more feelings of being "not good enough" because we are not perfect, none of us are...

I think true safety and peace comes from just being who we are, and accepting ourselves for who we are and who we aren't. I tried the "perfectionism" life for years and found no true safety and peace there...I was driven by fear of failure in everything I did...don't want to live there anymore...

peace, hope and love,

Lily

***Wow! what a book! It is full of great insight and information. I am highlighting it like a text book. It is helping me understand myself, not just while I was captive by ED, but who I was before ED and who I am now, several years into recovery.

The Laws of Perfection Part I

I am reading Gaining: The Truth About Life After Eating Disorders by Aimee Liu. The chapter I am on is called The Laws of Perfection.

In this chapter, Aimee talks about a very interesting study on OCP (obsessive compulsive personality) traits in childhood and eating disorders. The study was performed by British researcher Janet Treasure and her team at the eating disorder unit in South London's Maudsley Hospital. This team of researchers wanted to know whether specific childhood traits might "foreshadow anorexia and bulimia".

They devised a survey with questions to be given to 1) patients in the eating disorder unit at Maudsley Hospital and 2) a control group of women with no history of eating disorders.
The questions were about childhood behaviors not related to food.

Here are the 5 traits and sample questions used to test for these traits:

1) Perfectionism: asked about standards with schoolwork, care taken for room, pets, hobbies, part time jobs, time spent doing and re-doing something until it was perfect (i.e. ones hair)...

2) Inflexibility: asked about mayor changes in childhood and how women had responded to them as children (i.e. moving, changing schools, changes in school schedule, etc.), getting upset when things did not go according to plan...

3) Attitude Towards Rules and Discipline: asked if they were the kind of child who felt she needed to always follow rules, how far she would bend rules as a child, questions about compliance, conformity, right & wrong, rebellion...

4) Doubts and Cautiousness: asked if they were afraid to make mistakes as a child (not due so much by parental pressure but by "obsessive doubts that welled from within"), and also asked questions about compulsive caution (being overly cautious, not wanting to take risks)...

5) Drive for Order and Symmetry: being concerned that everything was "just so" and in its "proper place", lining up books, color-arranging closet, getting upset if someone moved their things...

Both groups surveyed (patients in ED unit and healthy women with no history of ED) were high achievers.

Interesting Findings:
1) Each one of the above childhood OCP (obsessive-compulsive personality) traits multiplied the risk of eating disorders by a factor of 7. So, for example, if you had all five of the above traits as a child, you were 35% more likely to develop an eating disorder, than, as Aimee Liu put it, "someone who happily wore mismatched socks". :-)

2) More than 60% of the ED patients had been perfectionists, rigid and rule bound as children.

3) 50% of ED patients qualified as inflexible.

4) More than 1/4 of ED patients had been driven by doubt, caution and need for symmetry.

5) Aside from a handful of the healthy women that had placed high value on rules and order, most of the healthy subjects, though high achievers, had zero perfectionism, zero inflexibility, zero doubt and cautiousness.

*********************
While I was reading the above traits, I kept thinking I would find a picture of me as a child on the following page!!!! I had all these traits as a child and definitely during the worst of my ED.

In my life after ED, I still need to work on perfectionism, inflexibility, attitude towards rules and cautiousness, and drive for order and symmetry. How about you?

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Thought for Today

When guilt rears it's ugly head confront it, discuss it and let it go. The past is over. It's time to ask what can we do right, not what did we do wrong.
~ Bernie S. Siegal

Surrender by BarlowGirl

Here is another iMovie I just posted on YouTube. It is a song called Surrender by singer songwriter Rebecca Barlow from the all girl band BarlowGirl. Rebecca has struggled with Bulimia and drug addiction. I am not sure if this song is related to her struggles with addiction, but it makes for a great recovery song.

Remember, surrender is not about giving up...it is about letting go. What do you need to surrender in order to start or continue your road towards recovery?

peace, hope, and love

Lily

Guest Blogger - Kensington from www.Something-Fishy.org

A million thanks to Kensington, Administrator of Something Fishy, for being our guest blogger for April!

Here is her post:

************************************

I've always liked the idea of OnStar in your car. I don't know anyone who actually has it but if someone offered it to me, I'd take it. I like the idea of someone being just a button away. Even if I'm alone in the car when I'm driving, contact & assistance is just a click away. Sort of a portable Jeeves the Butler.

Recovery is like taking a car out on a ride. At first, the thought is very scary. You've been inside for so long you're not sure you can handle changing scenery so drastically.

Still, you spend a lot of time learning how to drive a car. You check the gas level. You make sure the car is in its best possible shape before you take it out & start driving.

So often, people get to the first bump in the road, the first fear of being lost, the first sign of bad weather, the first confusion about where they are going, & they panic. They may pull over to the side of the road & refuse to start up again. They may start driving blindly in any direction. They may head back home, hoping to work up the courage to back out of the driveway again tomorrow. Or next week. Or next year.

What they often don't do is remember that they have their own OnStar Recovery Package. There is so much help available. You can reach out for that help & take comfort from the fact that it's there for you even when you don't need it right that moment.

OnStar Recovery Packages can include many options. A therapist, a doctor, a nutritionist, a support group, family, friends, a journal, affirmations, and so much else. You can surround yourself with a myriad of help options & know that even though you don't need to use all of them all the time, you always have choices available to help keep you on the road.

The key to this car is YOU. When you need help, reach out for it. Ask yourself what help you could use. Then push the button.

When you're rolling down the road with your favorite cd playing, you can gain comfort that help is available to you no matter how far along you are in recovery; the first step or the last mile.

Kensington

Administrator, Something Fishy

************************************

The Happiness ED Promised

Before we set our hearts too much upon anything, let us examine how happy those are who already possess it.

~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680)

Every time I see a scale I remember the days of my scale obsession. When I was sick, the scale I had ended up breaking from the obsessive use I gave it.

I remember thinking....If I could just loose more weight, I would be happy, everything would be alright. But of course, the number was never low enough and the happiness I was waiting for never came.

Depression, anxiety, fear, isolation, obsession, insomnia, hair loss, dizziness, chest pains, exhaustion....I know I don't want to go back there. I was miserable.

It is my choice to continue to do what works for me so I can be healthy and happy.

How about you? Is your eating disorder (ED) giving you the happiness it promised? Be honest.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Quote for Today

One forgives to the degree that one loves.
~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680)

Forgiving ourselves does not mean that our behavior was ok...it just means we are letting go and no longer holding a grudge against ourselves.

Today, I will forgive myself.

source: http://www.hazelden.org/

< gaining > & embracing fear

These are the books currently on my reading list:

gaining:
the truth about life after eating disorders by Aimee Liu
I just started this one. On page 30. I am hooked ... reading carefully, and slowly. Full of research, facts and interviews with specialists as well as former anorexics and bulimics. Aimee chronicles the story of her relapse decades after conquering ED for the first time in her adolescence...what an interesting journey so far! Achieving and maintaining healthy weight is, to many, the definition and end of eating disorder recovery.
In gaining....Amy brilliantly explains, how it is just the beginning.



Embracing Fear: How to Turn What Scares Us into Our Greatest Gift by Thom Rutledge
this one is next on my list. can't wait to start it! here is the description from amazon.com:

"Combining compelling stories from the author's twenty-five-year practice, examples from his own struggles with addiction and depression, and practical exercises and tools, Embracing Fear does not pretend to teach the impossible and eliminate fear, but rather shows us that once we understand it we can live beyond its tyrannical control. Instead of repressing or ignoring the voices of panic and dread, we learn that it is only through Facing, Exploring, Accepting, and Responding to fear that we free ourselves from its paralyzing grip."

********************

...look forward to sharing insights as I read.

make it a great week!

Lily