This is one of my favorite Hazelden Daily reflection emails I have received since I subscribe to their newsletter.**************************
Anger helps straighten out a problem like a fan helps straighten out a pile of papers.
--Susan Marcotte
Some of us have temper tantrums. Like black clouds, we threaten an outburst at any moment. Other people learn to check us out for storm warnings. They want time to clear out or at least to put on a protective covering. We've caught them by surprise before, and they didn't like it. Now they've learned to watch out - to stay on their toes when we're around. Intimidating people, making them glad when we're not around so they can relax, is a poor way to relate to others.
And what do the outbursts do for us? Is there a cheap sense of power or control for a few minutes? Are we advertising to the world that we're short on coping skills? Or do we tell ourselves that letting off steam is necessary once in a while, conveniently forgetting the steam blasting in other people's faces?
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Anger is not a primary emotion, it is a secondary emotion. This means that there is something else (primary emotion) that we feel before we feel angry. People might be feeling: afraid, attacked, offended, disrespected, forced, trapped, or pressured. Secondary emotions do not identify the unmet emotional need (UEN). When all someone says is "I feel angry," it is hard for others to identify a way to help him or her. It is helpful to try to always identify the primary emotion.
source: http://eqi.org/anger.htm
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