Living without frustration

source: http://greatday.com/motivate/051013.html

Living without frustration
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It may seem that outside events and conditions are what cause
frustration. But those outside circumstances are merely
excuses, and do not actually create the frustration.

The frustration you experience is created by you.
It cannot exist without your support.

Your frustration is a choice. And just as easily as you can
choose to experience it, you can also choose to let it go.

Remember that the next time you feel frustrated. Remember
that it does not have to be.

Frustration blinds you to the best possibilities, and puts
valuable resources out of your reach. There is no question
that you’ll be far more effective without that frustration.

So when you find yourself frustrated, choose right then and
there to raise your awareness to a higher level. See how
useless and unnecessary that frustration really is.

Then let it go, and free yourself to move quickly ahead.

~ Ralph Marston

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It is a choice, something we can learn to do. Hey, I am not saying we can be totally frustration free. Sometimes we get frustrated, it is a part of life, we just don't have to make it a way of life.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

On Psychological Pain and Broken Ankles

"Making major decisions is an inescapable part of the process of living. Dissonance—the psychological pain that accompanies many of these decisions—is a natural and useful signal that the decision in question involves a difficult and complex assessment of the involved values."

~ Douglas Lisle, PhD , Reducing the Stress of Making Major Decisions

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My thoughts on this:

In this article, Douglas Lisle, PhD compares the psychological pain that accompanies major decisions to other types of signals we receive from our body, such as the physical pain caused by a broken ankle.

In the simplest of terms, physical pain is a signal that tells our body "Hey - there is something not quite right here, we need to stop, rest, take care of ourselves, look for professional help, use some additional support, learn new ways of doing things, while we are healing...until we are ready to stand on our own again". If we keep moving, and ignore the pain, we will most likely end up causing more damage.

The same goes for psychological pain. It is a signal that ""Hey - there is something not quite right here, we need to stop, rest, take care of ourselves, look for professional help, use some additional support, learn new ways of doing things, while we are healing...until we are ready to stand on our own again".

If we keep moving, and ignore the pain, without dealing with it, we will most likely end up causing more damage, and our only other option is to mask (numb) the pain through temporary fixes, addictions, self destructive behaviors, etc.

This reminds me of something I read last night: "...those feelings will alert you to the fact that it’s time to wake up!! You’re believing your thoughts before you’ve even questioned them. That’s what stressful feelings are for—they’re a gift, they’re not an enemy...."

peace, hope and love,

Lily

The Superman Quote

"What I do is based on powers we all have inside us; the ability to endure; the ability to love, to carry on, to make the best of what we have – and you don’t have to be a ‘Superman’ to do it."

~ Christopher Reeve , 1952 - 2004

Victim Thinking Vs. Non-Victim Thinking

"Victim thinking is defining ourselves by what happens to us, the cards we are dealt by forces beyond us, and that non-victim thinking is understanding that we are ultimately defined, not by what happens to us, but how we respond to what happens."

~ Thom Rutledge, The Secret Antidote , Life Without Ed


Thom goes on to give some examples of non-victim thinking and the fact that we are defined by how we respond to what happens to us. These were my two favorite examples. You can check out their websites by clicking on their names: Christopher Reeve , Michael J. Fox .

Great reminders, not only of how much we have to be thankful for, but that we can persevere, overcome adversity and have a happy, meaningful life. The choice is ours.

peace, hope and love

Lily

The Easter Message and The Fortune Cookie

Now is the time to try something new.
~ The fortune cookie at Stir Crazy

The other day I blogged about how sometimes I have a hard time blogging and that I should blog/write from my experiences. So here I go, this weekend I went to Stir Crazy and to Church so I will blog about Stir Crazy and Church :-)

I don't believe in fortune cookies, luck, karma or anything like that...but I LOVED the challenge in this fortune cookie I got at Stir Crazy in Pembroke Pines.

This weekend, at my church, we celebrated Easter. Pastor Troy talked about how, in order to expect miracles (change, transformation, in our lives, our health, our relationships, our finances, our recovery, etc) we have to take action, take steps towards X, Y, Z, believe it is possible, and God will engage, things will happen. Sometimes we put ourselves and God in a box and ask/define/expect for the one way we think things should work out....and since we are so intent in expecting things to turn out in that one way, we might be missing the small, unexpected miracles, blessings, and opportunities that may be right in front of our eyes...

Somewhere along the line, something happened and our hope for a healthy, full, balanced life life just faded away, and we buried it a long with our dreams...Easter is a great reminder of many things . It is and important part of my faith. One of those reminders, which I thought was very cool and I wanted to share was that it is possible for us to resurrect our hope, our dreams...what we thought one day our life could be...it is not too late!

Be willing to expect the unexpected, and after all you have gone through, you might realize that even though your life might not turn out just how you expected it to be and life knocks you off your feet...when you eventually get back up, even though things are different, you will probably end up in a better place than where you used to be....

Peace, Hope and Love,

Lily

Unbroken

Here is another iMovie I made and posted on YouTube. So I am a big American Idol fan. Jessica Sierra, that co-wrote and performs this song, was one of the top ten finalists in American Idol Season 5. Jessica recently appeared in a show called Celebrity Rehab on VH1. After Celebrity Rehab, Jessica violated her probation and is now back in rehab for a 12 month court mandated stay.

This is Jessica's song. It sounds like, even though a bit ambivalent, she does want a better life. The lyrics talk about how she sees herself and how she would like to be. I hope that Jessica, by following her recovery plan, will one day get to be, much more than just "Unbroken"....and have a full, whole, healthy and happy life....Click on the triangle in the middle of the square to listen to the song.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

On Blogging and a Balanced Life

Sometimes I have a hard time finding what to blog about. I'll sit in front of the computer screen and....Nothing!!! Many people say: write from what you know, write from your experiences, etc., etc., etc.

I just realized something and I have to be honest. I have been walking through my days lately on automatic pilot.

Work...Home...Work...Home....Work...Home.....over and over again with not much in between other than TV and reading.

I have read and know from past experience that one of the secrets to happiness is multi-dimensional living (meaning/purpose/faith, relationships and health being three of those dimensions).

As Simon Cowell would say in his British accent "If I'm being completely honest with you..." I haven't been doing much to grow in those areas lately.

Reminds me of Jeffrey Jabick's presentation late last year on self-esteem and the parts of the self. All healthy living things grow:

• Physically
• Emotionally
• Spiritually
• Cognitively
• Socially

If you are in the beginning stages of recovery, you might not be at a point where you even have the energy to work on some of these areas yet. The thing is, if we stop growing in any of all of these areas, we leave a void in our lives that we might be tempted to fill in with the wrong things...

As far as the hard time I have blogging sometimes, I think in part it is because I have not been living a very balanced life lately. I need to be growing physically, emotionally, spiritually, cognitively, socially so I can draw from those experiences...but most importantly so I can be happy, blanced and enjoy life to the fullest.

So I am going to be "completely honest" and say that I know I can name things I should be doing in each of these areas. How about you?

peace, hope and love,

Lily

The Eating Disorder Voice

Some call it the negative mind, some call it the voice, some call it Ed (short for Eating Disorder)...
According to Terence J.Sandbeck, PH.D. author of The Deadly Diet - Recovering from Anorexia and Bulimia:

"The Voice is the accumulation of all of the negative, destructive, worrisome thinking that you've ever been exposed to in your entire life. "

We all have The Voice, it is just human nature, but for some of us, it can become a destructive, painful part of our lives that controls us and leads us to the depths of anxiety, depression, addiction, eating disorders and other forms of self destructive behaviors.
During tonight's group, we discussed common messages that our Eating Disorder Voice tells us (you are not good enough, you are a failure, you must never show weakness, change is awful, working on my problems is scary, etc.).

Here are some ways in which these messages are flawed and untrue (McKay, Davis and Fanning)

1. Filtering: the voice takes negative details and magnifies them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation.

2. Polarized Thinking: the voice tells you that things are black and white. you are either perfect or you are a failure.

3. Overgeneralization: the voice insists on a general conclusion based on a single incident or piece of evidence.

4. Mind Reading: the voice tell you what people are feeling and why they act the way they do.

5. Catastrophizing: the voice convinces you that disaster is imminent. You think the worst will happen and you underestimate your ability to cope.

6. Personalization: the voice convinces you that everything others do or say is some kind of reaction to you.

7. Control Fallacies: since the voice controls your life, you see yourself as a helpless victim of your circumstances.

8. Fallacy of Fairness: the vice makes you feel resentful. Thinking the world should be fair, and everything should be perfect.

9. Blaming: the voice gets you to either hold other people responsible or blame yourself for all of the problems in your life.

10. Shoulds: the voice gives you a list of iron-clad rules on how you and other people should act.

11. Emotional Reasoning: the voice has convinced you that what you feel must be true. For example: I feel fat, and therefore I must be fat. I feel like a failure, therefore I am a failure.

12. Global Labeling: the voice generalizes one or two qualities into a negative global judgment. For example, my boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with me, so I am unlovable.

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See if you can practice recognizing the flaws above in the messages you receive from your Eating Disorder Voice.

Remember, recovery is possible!! You don't have to do recovery alone and you do not have to do life alone.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Learned Helplessness Part II - Dr. Charisse Nixon

Learned Helplesness Part I

I have been reading up on something called Learned Helplessness. Learned Helplessness is linked to depression. Here is a definition I found online:

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Learned helplessness is a psychological condition in which a human being or an animal has learned to believe that it is helpless in a particular situation. It has come to believe that it has no control over its situation and that whatever it does is futile. As a result, the human being or the animal will stay passive in the face of an unpleasant, harmful or damaging situation, even when it does actually have the power to change its circumstances.

source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness

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more on this later.

Lily

It won't work so why try it?

I have lived in Florida for 14 plus years. I have worked for most of those 14 years and have had to commute in the awful Florida traffic. Many people I know, over the years, have often suggested that I try books on cd. I always dismissed it, saying "I won't like it!", "I'll hate it", "It won't work!", "It works for others but not for me", "why even try?"

...so many times I said that to others and to myself, that I actually completely believed it and accepted it as fact. I was totally convinced that it would not work out.

So about a month ago, someone gave me a book on cd, and guess what? I loved it. Not just the book but the whole experience of it. I have gone through several books on cd during the last month, and I am really enjoying my commute now.

So this got me thinking...What else have I not tried because I have convinced myself it won't work out....without even trying? Is it possible that I am missing out on something good? I can think of a couple things I want to try. How about you?

peace, hope and love,

Lily

I'm Free

The power in you is greater than your addictions. But you've got to change your attitude. You've got to start saying, "I'm free." Declare that every day. Don't talk about the way you are, talk about the way you want to be.

~ Joel Osteen, Become a Better You

Thought for Today

Looking at this picture of my baby nephew Jonah and his dog Ike, I think to myself: Remember to enjoy the simple things...there is so much we take for granted! There is not much we really need to be happy and we can always find something to be thankful for...


peace, hope and love,

Lily

Tips For Promoting Effective Change

Thanks so much to Jeffrey Jabick, LMHC from Professional Toolbox Consultants for his presentation last night at our support group meeting.

Jeff spoke about natural barriers to change and tips for promoting effective change.

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Here are the tips for promoting effective change that we discussed last night:

1. State your goal in the "affirmative".

2. Make sure that your goal is behavioral in nature.

3. Be specific (how, when, where, how often, how much).

4. Identify how achieving your goal will benefit you.

5. Be aware of potential consequences and/or "costs".

6. Make sure that your goal is realistic.

7. Remember that change is often difficult and uncomfortable.

8. Write down your goal.

9. Share your goal with family and friends.

10. Monitor your progress.

11. Remember: "Progress not perfection"

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As usual, thank you so much as well for giving generously of your time to answer questions one on one after your presentation.

'til next time,

Lily
ANAD Broward County Chapter