Congrats to Jennie Ketcham, blogger, writer, painter, artist, and as she refers to herself "recovering human" for her one year anniversary in recovery.
Thanks for giving those in recovery the gift of your strong voice of hope, possibility and second chances.
"Don’t be afraid to fail, you’ve done that plenty. Never forget that success is a process, not a race, and there really are no finish lines in life. Always be grateful for this moment, your life, for the lessons you’ve learned and the places you’ve been. Remember to tell people you love them as much as you can, and don’t worry about tomorrow because it has yet to happen. Please believe in yourself, because you can do it. Please love yourself, because you are worth it. Please remember me, because I am you."
These are some of the lessons/reminders I learned and re-learned this past week:
If I want to make a change in any area of my life, I should ask myself: what am I going to do next? instead of asking "what am I going to do for the rest of my life?"...the latter can be very overwhelming and create a lot of anxiety.
I can't teach someone insight. It comes with time, experience, growth and awareness of self and others. It's been a journey and a process for me and it is for everyone.
Most people, places and things are not all good or all bad which to me equals I am not all good or all bad. I don't have to be perfect. I just have to be me. I have lived this one for a while and am thankful that I practice it daily.
Who I am is not what I do for work. That's just how I make my money to live my life and be me. Many people tie their sense of identity to the work they do or how many letters come after their name. That's been me for many years...and, in my case, ever since I chose to leave medical school all those years ago, it has made me feel as Jennie Ketcham would say "less than" ...... I am not my job, that is just what I do. I am not the choices I have made up to this moment. That is just my past. My future does not have to be an extension of my past. I am a survivor, I am a smart, kind, compassionate woman. I'm insightful. I am a great friend. I am funny. I have integrity. I am loyal. I like the person I am becoming every day. It's been a long tough road, but looking back, it has been totally worth it...
You look around and staring back at you
Another wave of doubt will pull you under
You wonder
What if I'm overtaken
What if I never make it
What if no one's there
Will you hear my prayer
When you take that first step
Into the unknown
You know that He won't let you go
So what are you waiting for
What do you have to lose
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water too
So get out and let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste, don't wait
And don't you turn around, and miss out on
Everything you were made for
Gotta be, I know you're not sure, more
So you play it safe, you try to run away
If you take that first step
Into the unknown
He won't let you go
So what are you waiting for
What do you have to lose
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water too
Step out even when it's storming
Step out even when you're broken
Step out even when your heart is telling you, telling you to give up
Step out even when your hope is stolen
Step out you can't see where you're going
Don't have to be afraid
So what are you waiting what are you waiting for
So what are you waiting for
What do you have to lose
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water too
When you do something you are proud of, dwell on it a little, praise yourself for it. ~ Mildred Newman
"Each one of us is very good at something. Maybe it's baseball or tennis where we display talent. Maybe we're good in math or at giving reports. A few people are talented at being good listeners or helpful friends. To recognize our own talents we may need help from others. It's always so much easier to see our faults, or the ways we don't meet our own expectations.
But the fact is, we are all skilled in many areas of our lives. To accept praise -- better yet, to quietly give it to ourselves -- is a sign of healthy growth."
"Was it an accident I saw that, Fiyero wondered, looking at the manager with new eyes. Or is it just that the world unwraps itself to you, again and again, as soon as you are ready to see it anew?" ~ Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West
I realize that, I had only heard one side of the story. I accepted that the ugly Wicked Witch of the West had it out for Dorothy and her friends because she was "the bad guy" or in this case "the bad girl"...
But what if I looked at it from the the Witch of the West's point of view? Did she have a name? (according to this story, yes, her name was Elphie) Where did she come from? (from a town called Rush Margins). What if Elphie was and anti-totalitarian agitator fighting against the Wizard? What if she was an animal-rights activist, a nun, a nurse? What was HER story?
Dorothy's house landed on The Wicked Witch of the East (Elphie's sister) and killed her. The Witch of the East also had a name. It was Nessie. She also had a story.
Glinda, the "good witch" gives Dorothy the red shoes from the dead Nessie without Elphie's consent. . What if the shoes had been a family heirloom? Dorothy takes the shoes and follows the yellow brick road to go see The Wizard. The Wizard tells Dorothy he will send her back to Kansas on one condition: if she kills the Wicked Witch of the West.
Elphie had several reasons to be upset.
I'd never stopped to think of Elphie's side of the story. It makes me wonder, are there people or areas in my life where I am not considering "the other side of the story"? How about you?
Just heard this song, saw this video and read the story that inspired it all. Aside from a good laugh, it is a great reminder to make the best of the tough times we go through...
In the spring of 2008, Dave Carroll and his band Sons of Maxwell were traveling to Nebraska for a one-week tour and Dave's Taylor guitar was witnessed being thrown by United Airlines baggage handlers in Chicago. He discovered later that the $3500 guitar was severely damaged. They didn't deny the experience occurred but for nine months the various people Dave communicated with put the responsibility for dealing with the damage on everyone other than themselves and finally said they would do nothing to compensate him for his loss. So Dave promised the last person to finally say no to compensation (Ms. Irlweg) that he would write and produce three songs about his experience with United Airlines and make videos for each to be viewed online by anyone in the world. "United: Song 1" is the first of those songs.
"All I ask is one thing, and this is....and I am asking this particularly of young people that watch: Please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record it is my least favorite quality. It doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you. It's just true!" ~ Conan O'brien
I just finished watching the last episode of the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien as host.
"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get." That's for sure! I have definitely used the bad choices I've made and the tough times I've been through as opportunities to grow and learn. It's the only way to move forward.
I've learned that I have to take care of myself and that it is ok to make mistakes. However, I have become somewhat cynical and don't trust others (and sometimes myself) as much as I used to. As Jennie Ketcham said the other day, it's like I used to trust people too soon, too fast. I would give 100% of my trust away almost immediately. That of course, lead to not so healthy relationships and not to healthy choices.
The problem is not in trusting people and the answer is not in putting walls up to protect myself. It's not all or nothing. If I trust too much, I put myself at risk, but if I don't trust at all, and protect myself from everyone and everything, I might not get hurt but at too high of a price. I'm safe inside the walls I put up but don't let anyone truly in. True, there are some people that don't deserve to be let into my world, but I can spot red flags pretty accurately these days...
I have to learn to trust in all the work I've done. I am a different person now, I am a healthier person now. I know what healthy boundaries are (God, do I practice them daily!!!). I am comfortable asserting myself. I say yes when I want to say yes, and no when I want to say no.
As I write this, I am curious as to what closer relationships would be like with me being the new stronger, healthier me...definitely worth a shot...!
GO TEAM COCO!!!! Thanks for the thoughtful words Conan!!
I have one request: may I never use my reason against truth. --Elie Wiesel
"Honesty with ourselves is a great asset in every situation we confront. The skill to look reality square in the face and call it what it is takes us a good distance toward coping with it. However, many of us also have the skill to spin or rationalize our actions so that we don't have to face something unpleasant. That skill provides us with excuses and evasions but it is the greatest betrayal of our selves. When we use our brain to cleverly cover the truth of our actions, we often believe our own lies, and then we're incapable of rectifying them.
Just as dishonesty builds and grows on itself, so does honesty. We cannot one day decide to be honest and change in a flash because we don't see all of our self-deceit yet. But we can make the decision to be as honest as we know how. Then we will soon be surprised by how much is revealed to us as the fog of our self-deceit lifts and our honesty builds upon itself."
Today I will strive to see reality as it is and not shape it to suit my ego's desires.
"When someone treats you in a way you don't appreciate, you have a right to respond appropriately. Then, take a moment to consider if they acted as a mirror for you... and decide to respond appropriately at the inner level. Whatever others "do" to us, we tend to do in even greater measure to ourselves."
Have you ever heard of New Year ANTI-Resolutions? I hadn't until last year. In a world where we are constantly being driven (by ourselves and others) to be a better version of ourselves, to improve, to change, to transform, we often forget all the positive qualities, behaviors we already posses.
What are five things (positive/healthy) about yourself that you already posses and don't want to change/give up? What are your five ANTI-Resolutions?
For me...I would not like to change/give up: 1) My love for reading and writing 2) Believing in God's promises 3) Constantly striving to live a balanced life 4) Being a good listener and friend 5) Being as assertive as I have learned to be
These are my ANTI-Resolutions. What are yours?**
peace, hope and love,
Lily
**note: if you can't think of any, ask someone you trust/love. What are 5 things they would not like you to change about you?
"1 in 6 adults and almost 1 in 10children suffer from a diagnosable mental illness. Yet, for many, the stigma associated with the illness, can be as great a challenge as the disease itself."
"BringChange2Mind.org combats the stigma surrounding mental illness. Spearheaded by actress Glenn Close, the organization provides a global forum for people to share their stories and shed light on the unfair shame that's inflicted upon those living with mental illness. Watch videos, get news, take part in events and more.
BringChange2Mind.org is a hub for all resources related to eliminating mental illness stigma. Join the discussion or share your story today: http://bringchange2mind.org/ "
In the past, I have been "the abused" in emotionally/verbally abusive relationships. I had no idea what my rights were as a person. I also did not know what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like and used to think I deserved no better that to be treated badly.Learning what my rights and responsibilities are as an individual and with my family, friends, and those I do life with, has been a very important part of my recovery.
It is important to remember that our rights are also our responsibilities in relationships. and that we have the right to express ourselves as long as we are not abusive towards others.
The right to be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy.
The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage.
The right to have your own view, even if your partner has a different view.
The right to have your feelings and experience acknowledged as real.
The right to receive a sincere apology for any jokes you may find offensive.
The right to clear and informative answers to questions that concern you.
The right to live free from accusation and blame.
The right to live free from criticism, judgment, put-downs or ridicule.
The right to have your work and your interests spoken of with respect.
The right to encouragement.
The right to live free from emotional and physical threat.
The right to be called by no name that devalues you.
The right to be respectfully asked rather than ordered.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I have internalized these rights and refer back to them when something doesn't feel right in a relationship, but I remember the time when these rights were foreign to me and I thought I deserved nothing better than abuse.
If you are in a situation of abuse, ask for help. YOU MATTER and YOU HAVE THE RIGHT to live free of emotional, verbal and physical abuse***.
peace, hope and love,
Lily ***note: both women and men can be victims of abuse in both personal and professional settings.
"If you are ready to change your situation, then it's time to change what you say about your situation. If you want a different harvest in your life, you have to change the seeds you are sowing. It's time to speak life over your future. Our attitude should be, "This may be the way it's been in the past, but this is not the way it's staying. I'm coming up higher. I may feel weak, but my declaration is that I am strong." ~ Joel Osteen
The following is one of the most powerful quotes I have heard in a long time. Abby Rike is a theater/speech teacher and debate coach from Mabank, TX. In 2006, she lost her husband, 5½ year-old daughter and 2½ week-old son in a fatal car crash.
After her tragedy, Abby has moved from choosing to survive, then to exist and finally to live and love again...Here is what Abby has to say today about life, hope, choices and second chances...
"The fact is that life is hard and sometimes it is not fair. But guys, I am happy to tell you that, even in your darkest hour, there is always hope and I am living proof of that today.
Because I am going to tell you, just like I would tell the man that killed my family had he lived and were standing here today: Today is your second chance...to choose differently. You can choose differently!! You can choose differently to overcome your circumstances, to overcome your hurts and to become everything you always wanted to be."
~ Abby Rike
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Most of us will never know pain and tragedy like Abby has gone through, but we can be inspired and moved to survive, exist and live again!
THANK YOU ABBY FOR YOUR AMAZING EXAMPLE!!! You rock!!!
I receive a daily email from Hazelden.org called Today's Gift. Here is a recent one that I really liked.
"In my new life, I sometimes feel a lack of excitement. I might miss the old adrenaline rush I used to get during a crisis. Even though I didn't like being in a crisis, the feeling I had in my body became familiar to me.
I can find new activities or interests that feel exhilarating but that aren't harmful to me or others. It could be the excitement of enjoying a carnival ride, winning a race, playing a party game with friends, learning a new hobby or craft, or watching a suspenseful movie. These are just some things I might do to give my life some excitement without creating a crisis.
When I feel like something is missing, I will try to pinpoint what it is and think about filling the emptiness with something that's good for me."
Reminder for Today: When I am willing to leave behind unhealthy behaviors and activities, I have to incorporate healthy behaviors and activities to take their place.
Lyrics to Love Me :He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?”
Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means
Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would’ve stayed
And she says…
Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means
He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”
Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said
“I know you’ve murdered and I know you’ve lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I...”
I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew
Don't miss this great 5 session group coming to Weston, FL in October! Space is limited!
The Body Project by Nicolle Arbelaez Lopez, Psy.D. and Carmen C. Contarini, Psy.D.
Are you dissatisfied with your body image?Do you struggle with societal pressures about how your body “should” look?
The Body Project is a 5 session (1 hour ) weekly group focused on aiding young women ages 18-25 years old.
This group is based on empirically supported studies demonstrating that women who participate in discussion and weekly assignments, challenging the thin ideal and societal body image pressures, improve body satisfaction.
Starting: October 22 - November 19, 2009 Thursday Evenings 6:30- 7:30pm
Location: 2237 N. Commerce Parkway, Suite 3 ~ Weston, Florida 33326
Total Price: $299 or early registration discount of $249 by October 9, 2009. ~ Group limited to 8 women.
For more information, please contact: Nicolle Arbelaez Lopez, Psy.D. (954) 804-5144
Thanks so much to my sister in law Flora for sharing this song with me...!
There could never be a more beautiful you Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do So there could never be a more beautiful you
Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine Says she wants to look that way But her hair isn't straight her body isn't fake And she's always felt overweight
Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see That beauty is within your heart And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair Are perfect just the way they are
[Chorus]
There could never be a more beautiful you Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do So there could never be a more beautiful you
Little girl twenty-one the things that you've already done Anything to get ahead And you say you've got a man but he's got another plan Only wants what you will do instead
Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come You starve yourself to play the part But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true And he'll treat you like the jewel you are
[chorus]
So turn around you're not too far To back away be who you are To change your path go another way It's not too late you can be saved If you feel depressed with past regrets The shameful nights hope to forget Can disappear they can all be washed away By the one who's strong can right your wrongs Can rid your fears dry all your tears And change the way you look at this big world He will take your dark distorted view And with His light He will show you truth And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl
