On Making Mistakes

"Today I accept the fact that I have made mistakes.

I find comfort in knowing that, in the past, I did what I thought was right at the time. What makes my mistakes seem so bad is that I judge them by what I know today. I know more than I did then, and less than I will tomorrow.

I accept myself for who I was then and for who I am today."

source: Judith R. Smith

The Time of My Life

Hi All,
I am a big American Idol fan and finally, this year, my idol favorite won (go David Cook!!!) But I digress..... I love music. I am all about the lyrics of a song. This year's winning song, I think, has great lyrics. It is called The Time of My Life.

The song just reminds me that THIS is the day that we have. TODAY is all we have. We do not have yesterday, and we do not have tomorrow. I don't have to be a face in the crowd, but TODAY I can be ME.

Here is the song.

Remember to treasure your TODAYs.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

The Super Awesone Quote

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.
~ Victor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning


peace, hope and love,

Lily

On Anger Part I

This is one of my favorite Hazelden Daily reflection emails I have received since I subscribe to their newsletter.

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Anger helps straighten out a problem like a fan helps straighten out a pile of papers.
--Susan Marcotte

Some of us have temper tantrums. Like black clouds, we threaten an outburst at any moment. Other people learn to check us out for storm warnings. They want time to clear out or at least to put on a protective covering. We've caught them by surprise before, and they didn't like it. Now they've learned to watch out - to stay on their toes when we're around. Intimidating people, making them glad when we're not around so they can relax, is a poor way to relate to others.

And what do the outbursts do for us? Is there a cheap sense of power or control for a few minutes? Are we advertising to the world that we're short on coping skills? Or do we tell ourselves that letting off steam is necessary once in a while, conveniently forgetting the steam blasting in other people's faces?

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Anger is not a primary emotion, it is a secondary emotion. This means that there is something else (primary emotion) that we feel before we feel angry. People might be feeling: afraid, attacked, offended, disrespected, forced, trapped, or pressured. Secondary emotions do not identify the unmet emotional need (UEN). When all someone says is "I feel angry," it is hard for others to identify a way to help him or her. It is helpful to try to always identify the primary emotion.

source: http://eqi.org/anger.htm

Lesson from Baby Jonah

Here is the latest lesson from baby Jonah (my nephew). Jonah walked for the first time this weekend. He is now officially taking steps with support. This reminds me of what I wrote when he was first sitting with support and then standing with support:

It is ok to get extra support if we need it. No need to feel embarrassed, sad or ashamed. It it just extra help that gives us what we need until we are ready to stand on our own.

So many times we add all of this meaning to our support systems/treatment plan (therapy appointments, medication, meal plans, residential treatment, out-patient care....). We make it mean that we are not good enough, broken, need a crutch, etc. But that is not it at all...Our support system is just what we need, in this moment, until we are ready to stand on our own. What would it be like for you to just accept the support from those trained to help you, and those that care about you?...without judging yourself, without bringing yourself down for the very things that are there to give you the support you need?

Here is Jonah's example....click to watch the video...




peace, hope and love,

Lily

Our Blogroll

Make sure to check out our blogroll (list of blogs on the right hand side of this page) for some great reads. I was just reading some posts from Aimee Liu's blog Life After Recovery. You can read Aimee's blog by clicking HERE. Two of my recent favorites from her blog are the posts titled "On Becoming a Professional" and "Love, To Live".

Make it a great week.

Lily

Reporting from Inside Your Head

It is so exhausting to worry all the time isn't it, to have your mind full of racing thoughts that seem to be chasing you and at the same time you chase but can never catch. Here is something I read the other day....

It helps to stop, and think of your problems as a reporter writing a story (you can write down what worries you if it helps and then share it with your support system).

Try breaking down your problems/worries into smaller pieces, like this....ask yourself:

The person involved (Who)

Time and setting (When/Where)

What bothers you about the situation (What)

How you usually respond or not (How)

What fears you have about consequences of being assertive in this situation (Fears)

Your behavior goal (Goal)

Who can help you reach this goal (Who)

Is there a step I can take right now towards this behavior goal? (Steps)

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I used to worry all the time and was chased and chased my racing thoughts incessantly in my head. I remember a therapist once told me: "Schedule time to worry!" and after that, put it away and do something for yourself. I try to do that as much as I can now.

Have a great weekend.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Thought for Today

Today, I take a small step forward on my journey, without judging myself or my rate of progress.

source: http://www.hazelden.org/

daily motivation - Today's Gift (05/13/08)

If at First You Don't Succeed Part II

It took Thomas Edison 1,000 tries before he invented the light bulb....



"I didn't fail 1,000 times," he told a reporter. "The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps."

~ Thomas Edison

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if you have not succeeded at recovery yet, or in your relationships, work, school, finances, whatever area it might be....why not consider it just another step towards reaching your goal?

So next time you turn on the light, think of this awesome lesson in perseverance from Thomas Edison.

Make it a great week.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Horses Helping Heal Eating Disorders

I read a very interesting article about Equine Therapy in Eating Disorder Treatment. Aimee Liu also talks about the use of horses in eating disorder programs in her book Gaining. Here is what I learned:

Horses, as animals of prey, are "extremely sensitive to fear, stress and confusion" in those that handle them. To calm a horse, the handler must become "calm and focused". Clients need to express themselves and they cannot hide how they are feeling.

Clients are given exercises were they have to persuade horses to do certain tasks without speaking.

If handlers move to quickly, impulsively, erratically, impatiently, or in a rush, the horse can become distressed, scared and not respond. And, in contrast, as in the case with many restrictive anorexics, if their approach to the horse is "too quiet and timid" the horse will not respond at all.

The relationship between the horse and these patients helps them experience unconditional acceptance (horses will not judge, criticize) and at the same time will help clients safely experience relationships, interactions and situations that, as Aimee Liu says, are far from perfect and unpredictable, just as life is far from perfect and unpredictable.

According to Carolyn Costin, the only way clients can complete exercises in Equine Therapy, is by "slowing down, paying attention to what they are thinking, how they are moving, and what they are feeling".

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So if you were to ride a horse right now, how do you think it would respond? What would it sense from you?

peace, hope and love,

Lily

On Balance

Balance is not something you reach. It is something you do every day.
~ Bueller
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What can you do different today so you can have more balance in your life? I have had a tough/long week at work, so I am thinking of some things I can do to make sure I keep my life balanced. How about you?

peace, hope, and love

Lily

If at First You Don't Succeed Part I

I read a great article in the Wall Street Journal last week called "If at First You Don't Succeed, You're In Excellent Company"

Here is a list of well known people listed in the article that failed, were rejected (some numerous times) but did not give up...pretty amazing!!

The Beatles: Decca Records turned down a contract with the Beatles, saying "Groups of guitars are on their way out."

Walt Disney: was fired by a newspaper editor who said "he lacked imagination and had no good ideas."

J.K. Rowling: J.K. Rowling's first book about a boy wizard named Harry Potter was rejected by 12 publishers before Bloomsbury, a small London publishing house, picked it up.

Louisa May Alcott: author of "Little Women," was encouraged to find work as a servant by her family.

Michael Jordan: was cut from his high school varsity basketball team sophomore year.

Dr. Seuss: Twenty-seven publishers rejected Theodor Seuss (Dr. Seuss) Geisel's first book, "To Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street."

Julie Andrews: "She's not photogenic enough" was the final determination of Julie Andrews's screen test for MGM when she was 12 years old.

Author Jack London: received 600 rejection slips before he published his first story.

Babe Ruth: is known for his home run record, but for decades he also held the record for strikeouts. He hit 714 home runs and struck out 1,330 times in his career. "Every strike brings me closer to the next home run," he said.

Winston Churchill: repeated a grade during elementary school. Later, he twice failed the entrance exam to the Royal Military Academy at Sandhurst. He was defeated in his first effort to serve in Parliament.

According to the Oxford American Dictionary, to fail is to be unsuccessful in achieving one's goal. That is all it is. We tend to generalize failure to our entire existence and make it mean that our life is a failure. Not true. We just need to work through it, learn from what did and didn't work, adjust our strategy and goal if needed, and keep going.

So, if at first you don't succeed, you are in excellent company!

peace, hope and love,

Lily

On the Benefits of Laughing

I just read that laughing helps with muscle relaxation, reduces stress hormones, enhances the immune system, aids in pain reduction, contributes to cardiac conditioning, seems to help prevent hypertension and results in a cleansing effect similar to deep breathing exercises.

Do you sometimes get bogged down in the every day and forget to enjoy the simple things? I know I do. This video made me laugh yesterday and I wanted to share it with all of you...Here is to remembering to laugh, be happy and appreciate the simple things in life...Enjoy!



You can read the entire article by clicking HERE.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Letting Go

"If addiction is about control, recovery is about letting go.

If addiction is about denial, recovery is about accepting what is.

Life is so full of twists and turns; it's easier to follow along than to try to straighten them out. It's easier to have fewer expectations because, after all, we have no control over the future or the present."

How can you practice letting go?

source: Day by Day Second Edition