Some Days Are Like That...

Here is the title of the book we used to close the meeting last night. It is: Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
the author's name is Judith Viorst.

In this book, Alexander is having such a bad day he thinks he should move to Australia,but in the end he learns that:

Some days are like that...even in Australia.

Thought for the Day

Each moment, taken alone, was always bearable. ~ Julia Cameron

The Real Me by Natalie Grant

Hi All,
After a lot of reading, researching and practicing, here is my first iMovie "titles over black" slide show. It is the music and lyrics for a cool song that I wanted to share with you....I even posted it on youtube...!! The Real Me is a recovery song written and performed by singer/songwriter Natalie Grant as a result of her struggle and recovery from bulimia.

Here it is. Just click on the play button at the center of the image...hope you like it...It is one of my favorite recovery songs.

Peace, Hope and Love,

A Question for Today

"If we try to hide our problems, we cannot get help for them. To get help we must tell people where we're really at. No one can read a closed book."

Question for Today: "Am I open with others?"

source: http://www.hazelden.org/web/landing.view

********
Remember to be honest with yourselves, and with all of those in your support system...

Make it a great weekend,

Lily

Saying No Part 2

Tips for Saying NO to Unfair Requests and Demands
source: http://www.crystalinks.com/assertiveness.html

1. Be sure where you stand first, i.e., whether you want to say yes or no. If not sure, say you need time to think it over and let the person know when you will have an answer.

2. Ask for clarification if you don't fully understand what is requested of you.

3. Be as brief as possible, i.e., give a legitimate reason for your refusal, but avoid long elaborate explanations and justifications. Such excuses may be used by the other person to argue you out of your "no."

4. Actually use the word "no" when declining. "No" has more power and is less ambiguous than, "Well, I just don't think so..."

5. Make sure your nonverbal gestures mirror your verbal messages. Shake your head when saying "no." Often people unknowingly nod their heads and smile when they are attempting to decline or refuse.

6. Use the words "I won't" or "I've decided not to", rather than "I can't" or "I shouldn't". This emphasizes that you have made a choice.

7. You may have to decline several times before the person hears you. It is not necessary to come up with a new explanation each time, just repeat your "no" and your original reason for declining.

8. If the person persists even after you have repeated your NO several times, you have a right to end the conversation.

9. You may want to acknowledge any feelings another has about your refusal, "I know this will be a disappointment to you, but I won't be able to..."

10. Avoid feeling guilty -- it is not up to you to solve everyones' problems...

11. If you do not want to agree to the person's original request, but still desire to help her/him out, offer a compromise: "I will not be able to baby sit the whole afternoon, but I can sit for two hours."

12. You can change your mind and say NO to a request you originally said YES to. All the above applies to your change of mind.

Saying No and Taking Care of Me

Every time I think I have learned all of my life-lessons, I realize that there is still something more to learn right round the corner. After all, that is life right? If we are healthy, we continue to grow and change...

One of my biggest struggles used to be with assertiveness, and wholeheartedly understanding that my needs do matter and that it is OK and necessary for me to take care of myself and that it is OK to say no and be honest with myself and others about what I say YES to and what I say NO to...

This has definitely been the year of learning to say NO and let me tell you, it has been quite the experience....Sorry, I cannot lead two big volunteer groups at the same time, just one...I can't be available in this relationship only when it is convenient for you or when you have nothing else to do....I cannot work crazy overtime hours, I am committed to living a balanced life...I need time to think about this...I need my space....I don't feel comfortable with X, Y, Z...I respect but don't agree with your point of view...

I used to be the biggest people pleaser most of my life...saying yes to everything and everybody because I was afraid of rejection, of hurting, disappointing, letting others down, etc., etc., etc...because my sense of worth was tied to the approval of others...

I would say YES even though I wanted to say NO, and then feel angry, resentful, anxious, uncomfortable...

It is hard to say NO, I still struggle with it sometimes, it was scary in the beginning, and you know what? sometimes people don't like it....but is is so liberating...might be uncomfortable sometimes, but it is totally worth it for my peace of mind...It has also helped me identify who is in my life just because I said YES, and who respects, cares and/or understands my NOs.

I have found that as I have learned to take care of myself, to value my needs, it has been easier to say NO to ED too...

Do you have a hard time saying NO? Who or what do you have a hard time saying no to? Do you say YES when you want to say NO? What in your life do you have to say NO to so you can say YES to recovery?

In my next post I'll include some tips on Saying NO...check back soon...

Peace, Hope and Love,

Lily

Shapesville

Hi All,
Here is the info on the book we used to close the meeting last night: Shapesville by Andy Mills , Becky Osborn , Erica Neitz

It is a great book for children and adults alike. Simple, yet with a very powerful message.

Remember: "it’s not the size of your shape or the shape of your size, but the size of your heart that deserves first prize."

Make it a great day!

Peace, Hope and Love,

Lily

Lesson from Baby Jonah

Hi all,
Check out the latest picture of my baby nephew. He will be 3 months old next week. Every time I see one of his pictures I am reminded of what an amazing miracle life is and also of how fast time goes by.

Today, when I received this picture in my inbox, I though wow! check out how much he has changed in two and a half months!

Children grow and change at a very fast rate of course, but it just made me think that so much is happening and is possible in our lives and in the world around us.

I just thought...

What short term goals have I set for myself in the last couple of months? Which ones have I followed through with? What new habits am I trying to incorporate to my daily life? How would my life be different today if I stuck with a healthy habit I wanted to make a part of my life?

Hey, don't get me wrong, I am not talking about regret...it is just a reflection, a challenge, a call to action from here on out...Imagine how different our lives can be if we take small step towards healthy growth and transformation every day? How different would we be in a month, two months, a year? Just take it one day at a time and find out!

See you this Sunday, October 7th at 7:00 PM at our usual meeting place.

Peace, Hope and Love,

Lily

Some Basic Points About Negative Self-Talk

Hi all,
Here is some cool info I found on Negative Self-Talk.

Check it out:

source: The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne, Ph.D.

• Self-Talk is usually so automatic and subtle that you don't notice it, or the effect it has on your moods and feelings. You react without noticing what you told yourself right before you reacted.

• Self-Talk often appears in telegraphic form. One short word or image contains a whole series of thoughts, memories, or associations.

• Anxious Self-Talk is typically irrational but almost always sounds like truth.

• Negative Self-Tak perpetuates avoidance. You tell yourself that a situation is dangerous so you avoid it (...) anxious self-talk leads to avoidance, avoidance brings further anxious self talk, and around and around the circle goes.

• Negative Self-Talk is a series of bad habits. You learned to think that way. Just as you can replace other unhealthy behavioral habits (i.e. smoking, drinking too much coffee, etc.) you can replace unhealthy thinking with more positive, healthy mental habits.

*******************
Remember, we need to learn to recognize, distinguish, disagree and disobey our negative self-talk. A great exercise is found in Life Without ED when the author suggests we ask ourselves: What does my eating disorder (ED) want me to do today? and what do I have to do in order to stay in recovery?

It is great news that negative self-talk is a series of bad habits and that it is learned behavior because that means, if others can learn to replace "unhealthy thinking with more positive, healthy mental habits" and are successful, so can you!

Peace, Hope and Love.

Lily

Thank You

Hi all,
Just wanted to send a great big thank you to Jeff Jabick, LMHC for visiting with us last Sunday, September 23rd, 2007 and presenting on Self-Esteem. Jeff not only shared great insight and information but also stayed afterwards in order to answer questions and also help those that were struggling one on one for an additional hour.

Thanks so much Jeff for visiting with us at ANAD Broward as a guest speaker and giving generously of yout time to help those in recovery.

We look forward to having you as a guest speaker again soon.

ANAD Broward County Chapter

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."
~ Leo Buscaglia

Lesson from My New iMac

Hi all,
I got a new computer this weekend. A new iMac. It is supposed to do amazing things, or so I've heard. It has been a real learning experience, an unexpected lesson in patience, change, and stick-to-it-ivness (is that a word ??)...

I am a little behind on my emails and blogging but will be back soon..I couldn't even find the power button when I took it out of the box! Had to look it up...Have been transferring all my files from my pc to the iMac this week...takes a while to get myself organized...

As I struggle tonight to make sure my citrix (remote) connection is operational so I can work from home tomorrow (have been trying to make it work for over two hours now) I am doing my best to not get frustrated and be thankful that I was able to buy this amazing computer and look forward to all of the new cool things I will be able to learn....

And as I write this post, I just thought of the definition of insanity...that is what I have been doing for the last two hours trying to fix this computer problem, trying the same thing or "a different version" of the same thing, over and over again and expecting a different result without asking for help....

I am tired and starting to get really frustrated.....so I am going to do something different....just going to turn the computer off, relax and, tomorrow, I will ask for help from technical support....

So here is the Lesson from My New iMac....

Are you engaging in a behavior/way of living/doing something over and over again and it is not working? Are you tired of being stuck, frustrated? Take a break, rest, try something new and ask for help if you need to...

Will be back to blogging in the next day or so...

Check back soon,

Lily :-)

What Did I Do? I Took My Medicine...

I often hear from people struggling with eating disorders: I want to get better but....I don't want to go to therapy, I do not want to be on a meal plan, I do not want to take X or Y medicine, I don't want to tell my support system about what has been going on with me, etc., etc. etc...

I used to think that way too, when I was sick...I remember I even told a therapist when I did an admissions interview at Renfrew..."I want to get better but I do not want to gain any weight"....sound familiar?

So what did I do to get better? I (literally and figuratively) Took My Medicine...I did what I knew I had to do, even though I didn't want to...

This was "My Medicine":
I...
1. went to therapy
2. went to a support group at Renfrew
2. saw a psychiatrist
3. took anti-depressants
4. consulted with a nutritionist
5. kept a food journal
6. followed a meal plan to help the structure relieve my anxiety and break the addiction
6. kept a personal journal
7. stopped exercising until I felt comfortable that I could do it for the right reasons
8. was honest and reached out to my support system - professionals, family and friends (figured if ED did not want me to share something, that was the first thing I had to talk about - still do that with my therapist to this day)
9. re-evaluated relationships in my life and my career choice, both big causes of stress, and made some changes.
10. read a lot about recovery, personal growth, self-esteem, etc.

I did all these things even though at times, I did not want to...Did I stumble? Of course! I did, but I just got back up and kept on going...sometimes took longer to get back up than others but that is ok.

So I took my medicine, that is how I got better.

What is your Medicine? What are some things you have to do to recover even though you may not want to, be it short term or long term?

See you this Sunday, September 23rd, 2007 at 7:00PM at our usual meeting place...

Lily

A Lesson from Baby Jonah

Hi all,
So here is a new picture of Jonah, my baby nephew. He is officialy 2 months old as of last week.

Looking at his picture, I am reminded of not just how fast time flies, but how important it is to enjoy and live in the moment...I have learned that regretting and living in the past brings depression and worrying about the future brings anxiety...so learn from your past and plan for your future, but please remember to fully enjoy your present...

Lily

Become an ANAD Internet and Media Guardian

source: http://www.anad.org/10501/22763.html

The ANAD Media and Internet guardians are people, including young people, worldwide, who volunteer to watch the Internet and media- and then contact ANAD about the negative body image or potentially dangerous eating disorders websites and advertising campaigns they discover.

Look for negative messages that:
-Promote eating disorders
-Glamorize thinness and dieting
-Discriminate against weight and shape
-Encourage unrealistic standards and body hatred
-Falsely advertise
-Try to lure young people into accepting the use of laxatives, diuretics, herbal products, and/ordiet supplements

Look for positive messages and role models that:
-Encourage a healthy body image
-Provide a realistic role model
-Promote a healthy lifestyle
-Support the ANAD pledge

For more information and to volunteer to be an ANAD Media and Internet guardian, please go to http://www.anad.org/10501/22763.html and fill out the form at the bottom of the page.

The Land of Hope

Today, as I was driving to work, I received the coolest inspirational devotional on my blackberry (Thanks so much Manny for sharing them daily!) When I read it, I was like wow! I immediately thought of all of you...it is a reflection, a question, and a challenge....here it goes....

Just wanted to share some of what helps and inspires me....

*********************************
The Land of Hope
“I’ve pitched my tent in the Land of Hope”
(Acts 2:26 ~ The Message).

Where have you pitched your tent today? What are you expecting to happen in your life? What kind of attitude do you have? If you’re focused on what’s wrong, or what’s not working, it’s time to dig up your tent stakes! It’s time to pack up your belongings and move out of the land of discouragement. Move out of the “Not-going-to-happen” sub-division. Move out of “Can’t-do-it-ville.” It’s time to leave “Self-pity Estates.” Get out of those areas and move into the land of hope, faith, and expectation. Maybe you don’t quite know how to get there, but now’s the time to start looking for that new place...

source: Today's Word with Joel Osteen

*****************************************************
For me the Land of Hope is the assurance that I can be happy regardless of my circumstances because it is in not what happens but what I tell myself about what happens, that determines my attitude (I forget this one sometimes, but I do my best to live it), it is my faith in G-d, my family, my friends.

It is the knowledge that life IS NOT perfect, but the cool thing is that neither am I!! The fact that I can choose to focus on the positive and the good things, and also go through the bad times, grieve, be sad for a while, and come out stronger on the other side.... and it is in the lessons I learn from all of you that walk through the doors of room 127 every other Sunday...lessons of openness, trust, courage, honesty in the midst of pain and the hope for a better life....

So where did you pitch your tent yesterday? last night? this morning? Where did you pitch your tent today? You can choose where to pitch your tent...you can choose to shift your focus from the negative to the positive.....It sounds so simple, so trite, but it is soooo amazingly powerful, and such an important lesson in recovery, believe me, you have a choice...!!!!!!!!!

Peace, Hope and Love,

Lily

*G-d is not the usual way I spell G-d but I am doing so in this post in respect to all of our jewish friends...

Mirror, Mirror

I posted this video a couple of months ago. Just wanted to share it again with those of you that are new and may not have seen it. It is the song Mirror, Mirror by BarlowGirl. The song was written and originally performed by singer/songwriter Rebecca Barlow as a result of her battle and triumph over an eating disorder and other addictions..

Just Because I Am

Hi All,

For those of you that asked, here is the name of the children's book that we used to close our last meeting:

Just Because I Am: A Child's Book of Affirmation (Paperback) by Lauren Murphy.

It is a great book to have and to give as a gift to someone in recovery/working on self-esteem.

Peace, Hope and Love,

Lily

The Battle Within

I missed Spiderman 3 when it came out in theaters several months back. Can't wait til it comes out on video. I remembered it being called The Battle Within...and the title always reminded me of the battles that used to go on inside my head between me and Ed (eating disorder voice). When I hit rock bottom and was in the worst of the disease I even had to stop working. Even though I was not working, I would be exhausted at the end of the day. It was of course, because I was malnourished but also because of the battle within...(kinda like Spidey in this picture)...

I have learned that most times it is not my circumstances, what is going on in my life that makes me happy or unhappy, it is what I say to myself about what happens that determines my attitude/mindset/reaction...it was such a powerful realization to come to, one of those AHA! moments...

Well, have a great Saturday. It is cloudy here in my side of the world. Looks like it is going to rain (kinda like Spidey in the picture)....I am going to curl up with a book and also watch one of my new favorite shows "The Dog Whisperer" on the National Geographic channel...

See you on Sunday August 26th, 2007 at 7:00 PM for our support group meeting.

Remember, we always have a choice, even though it might just be a choice of attitude and what a powerful choice that is to have!

Peace, Hope and Love,

Lily

The New & Improved iMac Ad !!!!!

Hi all,

Check out the new iMac ad. Click on the picture to the left of this post. I have been checking their website every couple of days to see if the "You can't be too thin...Or too Powerful" ad was still up and there is a new one today!

The "You can't be too thin" ad is out, and "The all new, all-in-one Mac" is in!

I like this one much better. By the way: I am the biggest Apple fan ever!

Why was it changed? Can't say for sure. I know usually marketing departments have several different ad campaigns and sometimes alternate / rotate between them. This new one is so much better.

Regardless of the reason for the change, I am sure they received our letters and emails and really hope their next campaign is a positive one...

Peace, Hope and Love,

Lily

Ed's Resume

Hi All,
Here is ED's Resume that Nikki read at our last meeting. Hope you are all having a great two weeks! This "resume" was written by Jenni Schaefer, author of Life Without Ed.

source: http://www.jennischaefer.com/edsresume.php

Ed

Full Name: Eating Disorder

Permanent address: Always on the go

Phone: Prefer email

Email: Prefer phone

Objective:
Willing to do whatever it takes to control the lives of beautiful, intelligent, and creative people.

Education:
Bachelor of Arts: Psychology of beautiful, intelligent, and creative people

Special Skills:
Deception
Minimization
Manipulation
Rationalization
Shaming
Blatant Denial
Distraction
Visual Distortion (body image)

Employment History:

Present
Independent contractor with millions of men and women
Sabotage and undermine life goals
Report directly to self, accountable to no one
Spearhead the planning and building of walls of isolation
Responsible for long-term storage of emotions
Micromanaging of day-to-day affairs
Contribute to painful perfectionism and self-condemnation

Past
Same job description as above
Forced into unemployment by countless individuals in recovery

Selected Honors:
Still waiting to be recognized

References:
As many as 10 million females and one million males in the United Stares know Ed well enough to be listed in this space. The good news is that people do recover from eating disorders. Life without Ed is absolutely amazing and is possible for everyone.

Write to Apple Regarding Apple's New iMac Campaign

Hi All,

Let me start by saying that I am a big Apple fan. However, I am very disapointed with their marketing campaign for the new iMac.

Click on the picture to the left of this post and take a look at their new campaign. Just in case you can't see the picture, the ad says: "You can't be too thin. Or too powerful." Do you see a problem with that statement? I am sure you do, but apparently Apple did not. Last week I called Apple at 1-800-MyApple and sent them feedback via this link http://www.apple.com/contact/feedback.html . The link is sometimes not opperational, so before you click on "Send us your feedback" make sure to save your letter somewhere else just in case.

I called 1-800-MyApple to express my concern. "Robert" the customer relations representative that I spoke to said the ad was referring to "the computer world" not "people", and I told him that the ad did not say "Computers", it said "You". "Robert" said he would log my concern in the system and asked that I please send feedback in writing via the link above.

Will it make a difference if we email/call? I think so. It is important to educate and create awareness not only by educating the people we do life with but also large corporations such as these. Apple has amazing power and influence not only in the United States but around the world. Even if they choose not to take this ad down, hopefully they will be more aware/educated and informed and their next ad campaign will be a positive one...

If you'd rather contact them via regular mail, their corporate mailing address is:

1 Infinite Loop
Cupertino, CA 95014
408.996.1010

Peace, Hope and Love,

Lily

Congrats to Sarah!

Hi all,
Sarah Greene, our ANAD Broward County Chapter co-founder and co-leader will be going off to her freshman year of college in a couple of weeks. Sarah's last ANAD support group meeting will be this Sunday, August 12th, 2007.

Make sure to say good-bye to Sarah this Sunday after the meeting. You can also email Sarah at browardanad@gmail.com and I will forward the message to her.

Nikki, Sarah and I have been an awesome team and learned so much from each other along the way.

Thanks so much Sarah for helping make ANAD Broward, our dream, such an awesome reality, for helping us make a difference in the lives of so many, for your strong voice of recovery and for your friendship during the last several years!

You will be greatly missed. We are all so excited for you as you start this new chapter in your life and wish you the best today and always.


Peace, Hope and Love,


ANAD Broward County Chapter


cc: Amanda Elliot, ANAD Support Group Director

Teen Magazine - Artwork Request

Hi All,
We just received a really awesome email from Amanda Elliot, ANAD's Support Group Director. Teen Magazine will be running a story on eating disorders in their December issue (ANAD will be featured in the article) and they are requesting artwork submissions from ANAD members that are struggling and/or in recovery from an eating disorder.

You are welcome to submit pictures for consideration via email directly to Darcy Gans (ANAD media department) at anadspeaks@aol.com . If you do, make sure to tell them you are from the ANAD Broward County Chapter!

Have a great week!

Peace, Hope and Love,

Lily

The Most Important Day

Hi all,
As promised, here is the Ralph Marston piece we used to close last night's meeting.

The Most Important Day...
This is the most important day in your life. Because this is the day that you are now living.

If your life is headed in an undesirable direction, this is the day you can change it. If there are dreams you are longing to fulfill, this is the day you can follow them.

This day, right now, is the day when you can put to use all the knowledge, experience and wisdom you've accumulated. On this very day, you can do the things you've been meaning to do and connect with the people you've been meaning to see.

On this day, you have a world full of choices. On this day, there are more possibilities than ever before.

Of all the days you've ever lived, and of all the days to come, this is the one special day that now matters the most. For it is on this very day that you can now think and speak and act and love and live.

Give yourself a quiet, peaceful moment, and grasp the immense value that is now yours on this very day. Then step forward and fill it with beautiful life.

-- Ralph Marston

The Children We Once Were...A Reminder from Baby Jonah

Hi all,

So last Thursday I became the proud auntie of this beautiful baby boy!!!!! His name is Jonah. It's been a longer time for some of us, but...isn't it hard to believe we were all babies once? This just reminds me of something I learned from one of our group members a couple of sessions ago...

M. told this really cool story. She carried a picture of herself as a little girl in her wallet and when she was having a hard time taking care of/nurturing herself, she would look at the picture of herself from when she was a little girl and do whatever it was she needed to do to stay healthy… for the little girl she once was. Even taking the little girl by the hand to take her to the supermarket to buy her food…it was pretty touching….really grabbed my heart….

Next time you are having a hard time taking care of yourself, and struggling with food, if you can't do it for you, try doing it for the child you once were...

See you this Sunday (7:00PM) at our usual meeting place Flamingo Road Church. Room 127.

Peace, Hope and Love,

Lily

PS: Welcome to the world baby Jonah! This post is for you...thanks for the great reminder!