Quote for Today

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple” ~Dr. Seuss


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It's Not Easy Being Green

"Was it an accident I saw that, Fiyero wondered, looking at the manager with new eyes. Or is it just that the world unwraps itself to you, again and again, as soon as you are ready to see it anew?" ~ Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West



I've been reading Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West . It's a great read. It's made me think of The Wizard of Oz in a different light, from a different point of view.

I realize that, I had only heard one side of the story. I accepted that the ugly Wicked Witch of the West had it out for Dorothy and her friends because she was "the bad guy" or in this case "the bad girl"...

But what if I looked at it from the the Witch of the West's point of view? Did she have a name? (according to this story, yes, her name was Elphie) Where did she come from? (from a town called Rush Margins). What if Elphie was and anti-totalitarian agitator fighting against the Wizard? What if she was an animal-rights activist, a nun, a nurse? What was HER story?

Dorothy's house landed on The Wicked Witch of the East (Elphie's sister) and killed her. The Witch of the East also had a name. It was Nessie. She also had a story.

Glinda, the "good witch" gives Dorothy the red shoes from the dead Nessie without Elphie's consent. . What if the shoes had been a family heirloom? Dorothy takes the shoes and follows the yellow brick road to go see The Wizard. The Wizard tells Dorothy he will send her back to Kansas on one condition: if she kills the Wicked Witch of the West.

Elphie had several reasons to be upset.

I'd never stopped to think of Elphie's side of the story. It makes me wonder, are there people or areas in my life where I am not considering "the other side of the story"? How about you?

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United Breaks Guitars

Just heard this song, saw this video and read the story that inspired it all. Aside from a good laugh, it is a great reminder to make the best of the tough times we go through...

In the spring of 2008, Dave Carroll and his band Sons of Maxwell were traveling to Nebraska for a one-week tour and Dave's Taylor guitar was witnessed being thrown by United Airlines baggage handlers in Chicago. He discovered later that the $3500 guitar was severely damaged. They didn't deny the experience occurred but for nine months the various people Dave communicated with put the responsibility for dealing with the damage on everyone other than themselves and finally said they would do nothing to compensate him for his loss. So Dave promised the last person to finally say no to compensation (Ms. Irlweg) that he would write and produce three songs about his experience with United Airlines and make videos for each to be viewed online by anyone in the world. "United: Song 1" is the first of those songs.

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Quote for Today

"The world breaks everyone, and afterwards, many are strong in the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway

source: Jaime's Blog


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Question for Today

Every day is a chance for a 'do over'. Forget yesterday, what are you going to do differently today?

~ Dove Self Esteem Fund



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Help for Haiti

You can make a donation to the Red Cross for Haiti Relief HERE .

If you wish to donate to other organizations providing emergency relief
and aid to Haiti, visit CNN.COM / IMPACT YOUR WORLD
for a comprehensive list.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Friday Night Reflections

"All I ask is one thing, and this is....and I am asking this particularly of young people that watch: Please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record it is my least favorite quality. It doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you. It's just true!" ~ Conan O'brien



I just finished watching the last episode of the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien as host.

"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get." That's for sure! I have definitely used the bad choices I've made and the tough times I've been through as opportunities to grow and learn. It's the only way to move forward.

I've learned that I have to take care of myself and that it is ok to make mistakes. However, I have become somewhat cynical and don't trust others (and sometimes myself) as much as I used to. As Jennie Ketcham said the other day, it's like I used to trust people too soon, too fast. I would give 100% of my trust away almost immediately. That of course, lead to not so healthy relationships and not to healthy choices.

The problem is not in trusting people and the answer is not in putting walls up to protect myself. It's not all or nothing. If I trust too much, I put myself at risk, but if I don't trust at all, and protect myself from everyone and everything, I might not get hurt but at too high of a price. I'm safe inside the walls I put up but don't let anyone truly in. True, there are some people that don't deserve to be let into my world, but I can spot red flags pretty accurately these days...

I have to learn to trust in all the work I've done. I am a different person now, I am a healthier person now. I know what healthy boundaries are (God, do I practice them daily!!!). I am comfortable asserting myself. I say yes when I want to say yes, and no when I want to say no.

As I write this, I am curious as to what closer relationships would be like with me being the new stronger, healthier me...definitely worth a shot...!

GO TEAM COCO!!!! Thanks for the thoughtful words Conan!!

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Being Honest with Ourselves

I have one request: may I never use my reason against truth.
--Elie Wiesel

"Honesty with ourselves is a great asset in every situation we confront. The skill to look reality square in the face and call it what it is takes us a good distance toward coping with it. However, many of us also have the skill to spin or rationalize our actions so that we don't have to face something unpleasant. That skill provides us with excuses and evasions but it is the greatest betrayal of our selves. When we use our brain to cleverly cover the truth of our actions, we often believe our own lies, and then we're incapable of rectifying them.

Just as dishonesty builds and grows on itself, so does honesty. We cannot one day decide to be honest and change in a flash because we don't see all of our self-deceit yet. But we can make the decision to be as honest as we know how. Then we will soon be surprised by how much is revealed to us as the fog of our self-deceit lifts and our honesty builds upon itself."

Today I will strive to see reality as it is and not shape it to suit my ego's desires.

source: Wisdom to Know by Anonymous

Quote for Today

"When someone treats you in a way you don't appreciate, you have a right to respond appropriately. Then, take a moment to consider if they acted as a mirror for you... and decide to respond appropriately at the inner level. Whatever others "do" to us, we tend to do in even greater measure to ourselves."

~ Joyce Shafer from the article: Do We Teach Others How to Treat Us

New Year ANTI-Resolutions

Have you ever heard of New Year ANTI-Resolutions? I hadn't until last year. In a world where we are constantly being driven (by ourselves and others) to be a better version of ourselves, to improve, to change, to transform, we often forget all the positive qualities, behaviors we already posses.

What are five things (positive/healthy) about yourself that you already posses and don't want to change/give up? What are your five ANTI-Resolutions?

For me...I would not like to change/give up:
1) My love for reading and writing
2) Believing in God's promises
3) Constantly striving to live a balanced life
4) Being a good listener and friend
5) Being as assertive as I have learned to be

These are my ANTI-Resolutions. What are yours?**

peace, hope and love,

Lily

**note: if you can't think of any, ask someone you trust/love. What are 5 things they would not like you to change about you?

Two Quotes for Today

“I can't go back to yesterday - because I was a different person then” ~ Lewis Carroll

"It's not can you... it's WILL you" ~Tony Robbins

Change A Mind About Mental Illness

"1 in 6 adults and almost 1 in 10 children suffer from a diagnosable mental illness. Yet, for many, the stigma associated with the illness, can be as great a challenge as the disease itself."



"BringChange2Mind.org combats the stigma surrounding mental illness. Spearheaded by actress Glenn Close, the organization provides a global forum for people to share their stories and shed light on the unfair shame that's inflicted upon those living with mental illness. Watch videos, get news, take part in events and more.

BringChange2Mind.org is a hub for all resources related to eliminating mental illness stigma. Join the discussion or share your story today: http://bringchange2mind.org/ "

source: http://bringchange2mind.org/

Basic Rights in Relationships

In the past, I have been "the abused" in emotionally/verbally abusive relationships. I had no idea what my rights were as a person. I also did not know what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like and used to think I deserved no better that to be treated badly. Learning what my rights and responsibilities are as an individual and with my family, friends, and those I do life with, has been a very important part of my recovery.

It is important to remember that our rights are also our responsibilities in relationships. and that we have the right to express ourselves as long as we are not abusive towards others.

The Following is a list of Basic Rights in Relationships from The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans and other soures.

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Basic Rights in Relationships

• The right to be treated with respect.

• The right to assert yourself.

• The right to good will from the other.

• The right to emotional support.

• The right to be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy.

• The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage.

• The right to have your own view, even if your partner has a different view.

• The right to have your feelings and experience acknowledged as real.

• The right to receive a sincere apology for any jokes you may find offensive.

• The right to clear and informative answers to questions that concern you.

• The right to live free from accusation and blame.

• The right to live free from criticism, judgment, put-downs or ridicule.

• The right to have your work and your interests spoken of with respect.

• The right to encouragement.

• The right to live free from emotional and physical threat.

• The right to be called by no name that devalues you.

• The right to be respectfully asked rather than ordered.

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I have internalized these rights and refer back to them when something doesn't feel right in a relationship, but I remember the time when these rights were foreign to me and I thought I deserved nothing better than abuse.

If you are in a situation of abuse, ask for help. YOU MATTER and YOU HAVE THE RIGHT to live free of emotional, verbal and physical abuse***.

peace, hope and love,

Lily
***note: both women and men can be victims of abuse in both personal and professional settings.

If you are ready to change your situation...

"If you are ready to change your situation, then it's time to change what you say about your situation. If you want a different harvest in your life, you have to change the seeds you are sowing. It's time to speak life over your future. Our attitude should be, "This may be the way it's been in the past, but this is not the way it's staying. I'm coming up higher. I may feel weak, but my declaration is that I am strong." ~ Joel Osteen

Life, Hope, Choices and Second Chances

The following is one of the most powerful quotes I have heard in a long time. Abby Rike is a theater/speech teacher and debate coach from Mabank, TX. In 2006, she lost her husband, 5½ year-old daughter and 2½ week-old son in a fatal car crash.

After her tragedy, Abby has moved from choosing to survive, then to exist and finally to live and love again...Here is what Abby has to say today about life, hope, choices and second chances...

"The fact is that life is hard and sometimes it is not fair. But guys, I am happy to tell you that, even in your darkest hour, there is always hope and I am living proof of that today.

Because I am going to tell you, just like I would tell the man that killed my family had he lived and were standing here today: Today is your second chance...to choose differently. You can choose differently!! You can choose differently to overcome your circumstances, to overcome your hurts and to become everything you always wanted to be."

~ Abby Rike

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Most of us will never know pain and tragedy like Abby has gone through, but we can be inspired and moved to survive, exist and live again!

THANK YOU ABBY FOR YOUR AMAZING EXAMPLE!!! You rock!!!

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Reminder for Today

I receive a daily email from Hazelden.org called Today's Gift. Here is a recent one that I really liked.

"In my new life, I sometimes feel a lack of excitement. I might miss the old adrenaline rush I used to get during a crisis. Even though I didn't like being in a crisis, the feeling I had in my body became familiar to me.

I can find new activities or interests that feel exhilarating but that aren't harmful to me or others. It could be the excitement of enjoying a carnival ride, winning a race, playing a party game with friends, learning a new hobby or craft, or watching a suspenseful movie. These are just some things I might do to give my life some excitement without creating a crisis.

When I feel like something is missing, I will try to pinpoint what it is and think about filling the emptiness with something that's good for me."

source: Time to Break Free by Judith R. Smith

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Reminder for Today: When I am willing to leave behind unhealthy behaviors and activities, I have to incorporate healthy behaviors and activities to take their place.

Peace, hope and love,

Lily

Love Me by JJ Heller

I just heard music by JJ Heller on So You Think You Can Dance and loved her music and lyrics. Here is one of her songs, called Love Me...

Lyrics to Love Me :He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?”

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would’ve stayed
And she says…

Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means

He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said
“I know you’ve murdered and I know you’ve lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I...”

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew

The Body Project - Coming to Weston, FL

Don't miss this great 5 session group coming to Weston, FL in October! Space is limited!

The Body Project
by Nicolle Arbelaez Lopez, Psy.D. and Carmen C. Contarini, Psy.D.

Are you dissatisfied with your body image? Do you struggle with societal pressures about how your body “should” look?


The Body Project is a 5 session (1 hour ) weekly group focused on aiding young women ages 18-25 years old.

This group is based on empirically supported studies demonstrating that women who participate in discussion and weekly assignments, challenging the thin ideal and societal body image pressures, improve body satisfaction.

Starting: October 22 - November 19, 2009
Thursday Evenings 6:30- 7:30pm

Location: 2237 N. Commerce Parkway, Suite 3 ~ Weston, Florida 33326

Total Price: $299 or early registration discount of $249 by October 9, 2009. ~ Group limited to 8 women.

For more information, please contact:
Nicolle Arbelaez Lopez, Psy.D.
(954) 804-5144

Carmen C. Contarini, Psy.D.
(305) 308-3577

Peace of Mind

Peace of mind comes from accepting what we can do nothing about and taking responsibility for what we can.

Today I pray for the wisdom that helps me know the difference.

source: Wisdom to Know by Anonymous

More Beautiful You

Thanks so much to my sister in law Flora for sharing this song with me...!

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you



Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

[Chorus]

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty-one the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man but he's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And he'll treat you like the jewel you are

[chorus]

So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl

[chorus]

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

Make it so today is not like yesterday, and tomorrow will be different for ever ~ Tony Robbins

Saying No Part II - Lesson from Baby Jonah

I am very often reminded of life's simple yet powerful lessons when I see my baby nephew Jonah.
The latest lesson from baby Jonah: Remember it is ok to say No.

Here is Jonah practicing his Nos. We seem to forget to say No when we grow out of our terrible twos (or in Jonah's case) the "cute-as-heck" twos...



source: The Power of Saying No

Most of us said, "No!" quite well when we were two. After all, it's the two-year-old's job to say "No." The authority figures in our lives at the time, our parents, expect us to say "No." And it is because of "No" that the year is known as the Terrible Two's.

Many of us grow up to be people pleasers. The word "No" drops out of our vocabulary, and we substitute lots of ways to be agreeable and keep the other person happy. Saying "No" to the authority figures is not expected. And underneath it all we believe that saying "No" can cost us a lot in our adult life.

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The unassertive "No"
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is accompanied by weak excuses and rationalizations. If you lack confidence when you say "No" you may think that you need to support your "No" with lots of reasons to convince the other person that you mean it.

You might even make up an excuse to support your "No." This can backfire if the lie is exposed and again, you will sound ineffective because you need to have an excuse to support your stand.

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The aggressive "No"
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is done with contempt. "Are you kidding? Me, get your mail while you're out of town?"

Sometimes the aggressive "No" includes an attack on the person making the request. "You must be crazy. I couldn't take on a project that unimportant."

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The assertive "No"
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is simple and direct. "No, I won't be able to help with that." If you would like to offer an explanation, make it short and simple. "No, I won't be able to help with that. I've already made a commitment for Friday afternoon."

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Strategies to make the assertive "No" easier
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1. When someone makes a request, it is always OK to *ASK FOR TIME TO THINK IT OVER*. In thinking it over, remind yourself that the decision is entirely up to you.

2. Use your nonverbal assertiveness to underline the "No." Make sure that your voice is firm and direct. Look into the person's eyes as you say, "No." Shake your head "No," as you say, "No."

3. Remember that "No," is an honorable response. If you decide that "No," is the answer that you prefer to give, then it is authentic and honest for you to say, "No."

4. If you say, "Yes," when you want to say, "No," you will feel resentful throughout whatever you agreed to do. This costs you energy and discomfort and is not necessary if you just say, "No" when you need to.

5. If you are saying, "No," to someone whom you would help under different circumstances, use an empathic response to ease the rejection. For example, to your friend who needs you to keep her child while she goes to the doctor, you might say, "No, Susie, I can't keep Billie for you. I know it must be hard for you to find someone at that time of day, but I have already made lunch plans and I won't be able to help you.

6. Start your sentence with the word, "No." It's easier to keep the commitment to say, "No," if it's the first word out of your mouth.

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Practicing for the World Series
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Let's look at some daily ways you can practice saying, "No," so that it comes more naturally to you. Paulette Dale in her book, Did You Say Something, Susan? suggests some simple ways to practice saying, "No." Here are some of her suggestions:
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Say "No,"
to the clerk who wants to write your phone number down
when you return something to the store;
to the telemarketer who disturbs your dinner;
to the perfume demonstrator at the department store;
to your friend's pets when they jump on you;
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Make it a project to say, "No," to something every day.

When you do, notice it and give yourself credit for practicing saying such an important two letter word.

source: The Power of Saying No

Saying No

"For many of us, the most difficult word to say is one of the shortest and easiest in the vocabulary: No.

Go ahead, say it aloud: No.

No - simple to pronounce, hard to say. We’re afraid people won’t like us, or we feel guilty. We may believe that a “good” employee, child, parent, spouse, or Christian never says no.

The problem is, if we don’t learn to say no, we stop liking ourselves and the people we always try to please. We may even punish others out of resentment.

When do we say no? When no is what we really mean.

When we learn to say no, we stop lying. People can trust us, and we can trust ourselves. All sorts of good things happen when we start saying what we mean.

If we’re scared to say no, we can buy some time. We can take a break, rehearse the word, and go back and say no. We don’t have to offer long explanations for our decisions.

When we can say no, we can say yes to the good. Our no’s and our yes’s begin to be taken seriously. We gain control of ourselves. And we learn a secret: “No” isn’t really that hard to say."

Challenge for Today: Today, I will say no if that is what I mean.

source: The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

unafraid of endings

I can be unafraid of endings because I know they are only the first half of beginnings.

~ Night Light by Amy E. Dean

Letting Go of What Does Not Work

"All personal breakthroughs begin with a change in beliefs..what belief have you held on to that has out lived its usefulness in your life?"

~ Tony Robbins