Lessons from Passover

David, a friend from work, shared a super powerful reading with me this morning and I wanted to share it with you all today. What recovery/life lessons can we learn from the story of Passover? Read on to find out...

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The Inside Story on Passover
By Tzvi Freeman

In each one of us there is an Egypt and a Pharaoh and a Moses and Freedom in a Promised Land. And every point in time is an opportunity for another Exodus.

Egypt is a place that chains you to who you are, constraining you from growth and change. And Pharaoh is that voice inside that mocks your gambit to escape, saying, "How could you attempt being today something you were not yesterday? Aren't you good enough just as you are? Don't you know who you are?"

Moses is the liberator, the infinite force deep within, an impetuous and all-powerful drive to break out from any bondage, to always transcend, to connect with that which has no bounds.

But Freedom and the Promised Land are not static elements that lie in wait. They are your own achievements which you may create at any moment, in any thing that you do, simply by breaking free from whoever you were the day before.

Last Passover you may not have yet begun to light a candle (...)This year, defy Pharaoh and light up your world. With unbounded light.

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May the story of passover be a reminder that every day is a chance for another Exodus. We can break free of people, places, and ways of thinking that hold us in bondage and live the life we were meant to live.

Thanks for sharing this message with me David!

Happy Passover!

Lily :-)

Week After Week

American Idol contestants where asked about their favorite quotes. Here are some of the ones that made me go wow!! what a simple yet great reminder!! I've heard American Idol is an extremely fast-paced, high-pressure experience. These quotes are probably small insights into the kind of thinking that keeps them going week after week....



Danny Gokey
"Unshakable faith is faith that has been shaken."









Kris Allen
We would accomplish many more things if we did not think of them as impossible.
~ Vince Lombardi








Matt Giraud
You are your own worst critic.






What are some of the thoughts that keep you going week after week, day after day, when things get tough....?

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Be Patient

Be patient with yourself. Self growth is tender; it's holy ground. There's no greater investment.

~ The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, page 61-62

Lessons from Disney Monsters

Men heap together the mistakes of their lives and create a monster they call destiny.

~ John Oliver Hobbes




This sounds like a sad quote, a rather dark quote but it is actually a super powerful, hopeful insightful quote!!!! I gotta be honest, this is something I struggle with sometimes. Even though I am not the extreme perfectionist I used to be and I have learned to accept that I am not perfect and that it is ok to make mistakes, I sometimes put all the mistakes from my past together in a big pile and think that "monster" is going to be my future.

Believing that our past mistakes define our future can seem very real but is as make-believe and silly as Disney Monsters. Truth is, they can become our future if we let them, but it is our choice.

I always say this, but sometimes forget to apply it to my own life: Our future does not have to be an extension of our past.

The mistakes we have made are in the past. All we can do is learn the lessons from them and move on.

Our mistakes don't belong in a big heap in front of us. They are NOT our destiny. They belong in the past. Every day is a blank slate. Every day, we can begin again.

Let me say this in the first person tonight since it is something I am working on:

"My mistakes do not belong in a big heap in front of me. They are NOT my destiny. They belong in the past. Every day is a blank slate. Every day, I can begin again."

Can you say these words today? It is ok if you don't believe them yet. It's a powerful and promising affirmation/lesson to learn.

Peace, hope and love,

Lily

The Only Reason

So I am a big American Idol fan. Here goes my second American Idol post of the season. My favorites this season are Adam, Danny and Kris. There is another contestant that, though not in the competition anymore, is sure to do great things.

Michael Sarver was voted off last week. Driving to work several days ago, I heard an interview of him on The Today Show. As soon as I heard his response, I knew I wanted to share it with you all.

Here it is:

Anne Curry: You're moving into a new world.... Where do you think it is going to take you?

Michael: There's no limitations. I believe the only reason that I can't succeed at "this thing" is if I quit, and since I am not a quitter, I should be ok.

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So what is "this thing" for you? Is it getting through your meal plan today? Is it taking sobriety maybe one hour at a time for now? Is it change coming your way whether you were expecting it or not?

Next time you are going through a rough time, think of Michael's words. Thanks for your words of courage Michael. Best wishes in your career and in everything you do!!!

peace, hope and love,

Lily

From this point on

This is the closing we used to end the group tonight...

From this point on

It's easy to think of yourself as the person you have been.
Yet it is far more powerful to see yourself as the person
you can become.

The mistakes and disappointments of the past may seem to be
a major presence in your life. At this very moment, however,
you can choose to leave them completely behind.

From this point on, your life is up to you. In each and
every moment that is to come, you are free to choose your
thoughts, your feelings, your actions and your attitude.

Consider the possibilities. Think about what could happen if
the limitations you thought were there, were not really
there at all.

Reach deep within yourself and connect your thoughts to the
things that truly matter. Then imagine expressing those
treasured values with the way you live each moment.

Beginning now, you can live with the richness and profound
purpose that you know is right for you. From this point on,
your life is yours to choose.

source: The Daily Motivator, Ralph Marston

The Fearless Quote

YODA: Careful you must be when sensing the future, Anakin. The fear of loss is a path to the dark side.

ANAKIN: I won’t let my visions come true, Master Yoda. (...) What must I do, Master?

YODA: Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.

~ Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

I really like the wisdom Yoda shares with Anakin. Constantly worrying about what we might lose and what might go wrong in the future can paralyze us and keep us from moving forward. We only have today. The future is not yet here. With faith and perseverance, we can plan for the future and welcome it one day at a time. It does no good to fear it.

Loss and change are an inevitable part of life. We can't prevent loss and change, but we can learn healthy ways of coping, walking through, living, persevering, and growing thanks to the lessons learned along the way.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Recession Reflections Part I

I have a very long commute to work every day. I listen to the radio on my way there and back. In the afternoon, I usually catch The Ellen Degeneres Show.

Yesterday, Ellen interviewed MC Hammer and I absolutely LOVED his response to her question of appreciating life more when you have lost "everything"....

Here is the beginning of the interview, and also the video (she asks the question 2 minutes and 10 seconds into the interview). He also sends a message to those hurting in this current economic crisis (at minute 3:58 of interview)

...I think his words apply to getting through tough times and, in life, we all go through them...

Ellen: So life is good for you now, you would say?

MC Hammer: I would say it's excellent, yes, pretty good...

Ellen: ...and do you appreciate now the fall? I mean, I had the same situation happen to me, I don't know about the same degree but I think you can really appreciate life more when you have.....when you lose everything....

Check out Hammer Time's response in the video below.....



Thanks "Hammer Time" for those words of wisdom and thank you Ellen for the thoughtful compassionate question that brought about this response....It came at a perfect time for me and it is giving me strength as I see the effects of recession so close to me and to many....

Next time you are faced with the question, possibility or thought that you have lost or may lose everything, think of MC's words....

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Reflection for Today

I subscribe to Today's Gift from Hazelden. This is one of my recent favorite daily reflections and I wanted to share t with you..



Today I will be grateful for where I am now.

My life might not be perfect, and I might not have achieved the goals I thought I would have by now -- I might not be living the kind of life I thought I would be or want to be, but I'm grateful for this day, right now, and the fact that I've made a commitment to myself to live a life in which I'm treated with respect and dignity.

I will use this day as a gift, one that I've given myself because I deserve it. I will use this day to be glad for all I've accomplished.

I'm deserving, worthy, and valuable.

I'm a lovable person, and today I thank the person who helped me understand this.

source: Time to Fly Free by Judith R. Smith

So Small

Around this time of year, you will usually see my obligatory American Idol posts. Here is my first American Idol post of 2009.

I have a confession to make: I like country music :-) Well, not the really, really country stuff....but I do like country music (for example: Keith Urban, Carrie Underwood, Rascal Flatts). I love songs that tell a story and with inspiring lyrics. Last night, watching American Idol, I stopped and listened to the lyrics of the Carrie Underwood song "So Small" and I immediately thought of posting it on the blog.

The official video is actually awesome. Make sure to watch it by clicking HERE. It is not available for blog posting.

Here is another video of the song and the lyrics.

Tonight, I stopped and listened to a song that I had listened to many times but never paid close attention to the message/lesson in its words. Is there a message in your life that you might need to pay closer attention to?



Carrie Underwood So Small Lyrics:
Yeah, Yeah

[Verse 1]
What you got if you ain't got love
the kind that you just want to give away
It's okay to open up
go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
you want to shut the world out
and just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith

[Chorus]
'Cause sometimes that mountain
you've been climbing is just a
grain of sand
What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all
that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
seem so small

[Verse 2]
It's so easy to get lost inside
a problem that seems so big at the time
it's like a river thats so wide
it swallows you whole
While you sit around thinking
about what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things
time's flying by
moving so fast
you better make it count 'cause
you can't get it back

[Chorus]
Sometimes that mountain you've
been climbing is just a grain
of sand
What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all
that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

Eating Disorder Awareness Week at NSU

This past Tuesday, Nicole Kramer LCSW, Carmen Contarini PsyD and I presented at Nova Southeastern University for Wellness Week 2009. Thanks to the students at Nova for inviting us to present at such an important event!

For information on the event that took place at Nova, you can click HERE.

Lesson from Baby Jonah

Every now and then I post about my baby nephew Jonah. Here is a video of him practicing sounds and one of his first words. These are Jonah's first steps in learning to communicate. He practices every day. Jonah's first sounds and words got me thinking.....

In recovery, we also learn to "use our words" again. We learn how to say "yes" when we want to say "yes", "no" when we want to say "no". We learn how to express our feelings using words and actions instead of using eating disorder behaviors. We learn to become assertive instead of passive and or aggressive.

Are you practicing using your words/your voice to express yourself today?

Here is Jonah practicing.....



peace, hope and love,

Lily

Making Promises and Setting Goals

"Here are two ways to put ourselves in control of our lives immediately. We can make a promise - and keep it. Or we can set a goal - and work to achieve it.

As we make and keep commitments, even small commitments, we begin to establish an inner integrity that gives us the awareness of self-control and the courage and strength to accept more of the responsibility for our own lives.

By making and keeping promises to ourselves and others, little by little, our honor becomes greater than our moods."

~ The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, page 92

Quote for Today

A beautiful thing is never perfect.

~ Egyptian Proverb

The Roller Coaster Rides

Last week I went to Orlando on vacation. I rode most of the roller coasters at the major parks with my nephew and my cousin. I used to love roller coasters, I still do. Looking at these pictures
I remember times when my life and my days felt like roller coasters.

As I have progressed in my road to recovery, I have stepped off the roller coaster life and roller coaster days...

Tonight, I am so thankful that I am not living on a roller coaster anymore. For the first time in a long time, I am living in peace, thankful for the good and the bad and taking from the roller coaster rides just the lessons learned. I am so glad I can now recognize a roller coaster ride when I see it and choose to stay away....

Anonymous Letter to ED

Hi All,
Here is the Anonymous letter to ED that Sarah Rainer read as a closing at our last support group meeting. It is one of the most beautiful and powerful letters to ED I have ever read. My prayer for you is that, one day, you will be ready to say good bye to ED and never call his name again.

We'll miss you Sarah and are so thankful that you will be starting ANAD in Palm Beach County.

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Dear ED,

In a world full of color and surprises, you blinded my vision with lies. You told me I wasn’t good enough. You promised me the best, and gave me the worst. Years of my life you stole from me, engulfed in food and numbness. You took my heart and my hair and left me empty and alone. You isolated me from the ones who loved me the most. You tried to kill me. My family and friends were devastated; you tried to destroy them too. How evil and sick could you be to turn one’s strengths into weaknesses, and life into death. You kept me trapped, suffocated, lifeless. You showed me the golden cage, which became darkness as soon as I stepped inside. You were not my friend.

I want you to know I have taken what you did and turned it into something good. I have grown stronger and more powerful. I have removed the sunglasses and experienced the world. I have taken my empty body and filled it with life. I now live the life Christ created for me. I see through all your lies and have counteracted them with truth. I have exposed you for what you truly are. At one point I thought I liked you, but now I realize I love myself even more. Good bye ED. I will not look back, nor will I ever call your name. I am no longer your slave.

- Me

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On Letting Go

Why is it so hard to let go of old habits, behaviors, people, places and things? I am not completely sure but in my case it's usually because the following thoughts have crossed my mind: I am not good enough, I can't do it, I don't deserve any better, I don't like change, I do not know what is on the other side, I don't want to fail at something else, I don't want to get hurt again....

Sound familiar? What if the opposite were true?

I am good enough.

I can do it.

I deserve better.

I can learn to accept change as a part of life.

I can take small risks.

It is ok if I make mistakes. I will not fail but will also not succeed if I don't try.

I can learn to accept that getting hurt is a part of life and I can learn healthy ways for coping with pain.

I can learn new healthy habits, behaviors and open up to new opportunities and people in my life if I have the courage to let go of what does not work anymore.

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Questions for today: What is something you need to let go of (old habits, behaviors, people, places and things) in order to stay on the road to recovery? Can you do it on your own? Is there someone that can help you accomplish your goal?

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Quote for Today

“Most people have come to prefer certain of life’s experiences and deny and reject others, unaware of the value of the hidden things that may come wrapped in plain and even ugly paper. In avoiding all pain and seeking comfort at all costs, we may be left without intimacy or compassion; in rejecting change and risk we often cheat ourselves of the quest; in denying our suffering we may never know our strength or our greatness."

~ Rachel Naomi Remen (clinical professor of family and community medicine at the University of California at San Francisco School of Medicine)

What We All Want in Life is a Shot...Jason Took His

sometimes we can't even imagine what is possible until we try...



peace, hope and love,

Lily

Ten Steps To Positive Body Image

Last night, at our support group meeting, we talked about Ten Steps To Positive Body Image.

Which one of the following steps could you work on in order to move towards a positive body image?
Which one of these steps do you struggle with? Which ones work for you?

1) Appreciate all that your body can do. Every day your body carries you closer to your
dreams. Celebrate all of the amazing things your body does for you --running, dancing,
breathing, laughing, dreaming, etc.

2) Keep a top-10 list of things you like about yourself -- things that aren’t related to how
much you weigh or what you look like. Read your list often. Add to it as you become
aware of more things to like about you.

3) Remind yourself that “true beauty” is not simply skin-deep. When you feel good about
yourself and who you are, you carry yourself with a sense of confidence, self-acceptance,
and openness that makes you beautiful regardless of whether you physically look like a
supermodel. Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of your body.

4) Look at yourself as a whole person. When you see yourself in a mirror or in your mind,
choose not to focus on specific body parts. See yourself as you want others to see you -- as
a whole person.

5) Surround yourself with positive people. It is easier to feel good about yourself and your
body when you are around others who are supportive and who recognize the importance
of liking yourself just as you naturally are.

6) Shut down those voices in your head that tell you your body is not “right” or that you are a
“bad” person. You can overpower those negative thoughts with positive ones. The next
time you start to tear yourself down, build yourself back up with a few quick affirmations
that work for you.

7) Wear clothes that are comfortable and that make you feel good about your body. Work
with your body, not against it.

8) Become a critical viewer of social and media messages. Pay attention to images, slogans, or
attitudes that make you feel bad about yourself or your body. Protest these messages:
write a letter to the advertiser or talk back to the image or message.

9) Do something nice for yourself -- something that lets your body know you appreciate it.
Take a bubble bath, make time for a nap, find a peaceful place outside to relax.

10) Use the time and energy that you might have spent worrying about food, calories, and your
weight to do something to help others. Sometimes reaching out to other people can help
you feel better about yourself and can make a positive change in our world.

source: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/nedaDir/files/documents/handouts/TenSteps.pdf

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Coping Thoughts

When going through stressful times, we might not have someone to give us an encouraging word. In cases like these, we need to encourage ourselves and keep going.

Here are some coping thoughts that people find useful (Davis & Fanning 1997)

"This situation won't last forever."

"I've already been through many other painful experiences, and I've survived."

"This too shall pass."

"My feelings make me uncomfortable right now, but I can accept them."

"I can be anxious and still deal with the situation."

"I'm strong enough to handle what's happening right now."

"This is an opportunity for me to learn how to cope with my fears."

"I can ride this out and not let it get to me."

"I can take all the time I need right now to let go and relax."

"I've survived other situations like this before, and I'll survive this one too."

"It's okay to feel sad/anxious/afraid sometimes."

"My thoughts don't control my life. I do."

"I can think different thoughts if I want to."

"So what?"

"This situation sucks, but it is only temporary."

"I am strong and I can deal with this."

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What are some of the coping thoughts that work for you?

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Dependence, Independence and Interdependence

Dependence is the paradigm of you - you take care of me; you come through for me; you didn't come through; I blame you for the results.

Independence is the paradigm of I - I can do it; I am responsible; I am self reliant; I can choose.

Interdependence is the paradigm of we - we can do it; we can cooperate; we can combine our talents and abilities and create something greater together.

Dependent people need others to get what they want. Independent people can get what they want through their own effort. Interdependent people combine their own efforts with the efforts of others to achieve their greatest successes.

~ The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (p. 49)

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In order to move towards recovery and freedom from addiction, we have to move away from dependence towards independence and interdependence.

What are some steps in recovery that you can take for yourself but no one can take for you?

What are some steps in recovery where you need other people in order to succeed? Not to do things for you, but to contribute to your recovery with their skills, abilities and experiences?

peace, hope and love,

Lily

The Inauguration Post

Regardless of our faith, political views, race, who we voted or not voted for last November...I think we all recognize that this past Tuesday was a historic day. I watched the inauguration LIVE via CNN.com. This was my first inauguration as a US Citizen so it was extra special in many ways.

There was a part of the president's inaugural address that gave me goose bumps and made me think of my own life, of all of you that attend our support group meetings, read this blog and are struggling with eating disorders and/or any other area of your life.

Here is what he said. Think of it in terms of your own life, of your recovery. Change the word "America" and "this country" for your own name...

"Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America (...) Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions — who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage."

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May this inauguration day and the struggles that our country is currently facing be a reminder to you that...

Every time we fail, we have to "pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again". Some might question if recovery is possible. Sometimes our memories and the memories of those we do life with are short, often forgetting how far we have already come and the potential that is in each and every one of us.

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Baby Jacob Kramer

Nikki Kramer LCSW , our group's professional sponsor, had her baby in December!!
As promised, here are two pictures of baby Jacob Kramer. He is sooooooo adorable!

Congratulations Nikki! We wish you and yours much health, love and happiness. We miss you at group but are sooo happy that you and baby are doing well!!!

These two pictures got me thinking.....

Have you ever had a day like this, when you all of a sudden ask yourself WHAT? WHY? HOW? WHEN? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP? We all have those days, young and old...






After "one of those days", it is ok to rest, relax, recharge and take time to recuperate. Do you give yourself that time?




For baby Jacob, mommy's arms are a safe place - not to hide from the world - but to be at peace, feel safe and secure. Do you have that place? Do you have those people in your life?

Welcome to the world baby Jacob! We can't wait to meet you!!!

peace, hope and love,

Lily

Relaxing Sunday Quote

"The time to relax is when you don't have time for it."
~Sidney J. Harris



What is one thing that relaxes you? How can you make it a part of your daily routine?

peace, hope and love,

Lily